Unconventional Wisdom of Corneilius

2010-06-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

2010-04-09T00:00:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted in awhile but I told Evil Cat a story from my past and she said I should put it down here, I am going to do a quick version that I can edit later so apologies for the poor writing style.

Warm sun on my bald spot, swatting at fly's in the heat, Well actually fending off homeless people asking for spare change, people trying to sell me the spare change newspaper and people trying to deal me drugs. What you need big guy?, Whats happening big guy? can I hook you up with something big guy? I think the only reason I did not become a raging junkie is that I hate when people call me big guy in that condescending tone. I am a big guy and I have no problem with the fat jokes and comments, but the snide, I'm your friend but only know you buy your girth ploy does not get on my good big side.

The big guy that I frequently watched was at it again, He was a "give me a dollar" dude I wouldn't call him a spanger because he never asked for spare change, he said with force and a fat tongue, Give me a dollar! and always got it.

He was an imposing man that would corner people into tight spots where they had an exit but in order to exit they had to go into his personal space and the uncomfortable arms length reach of this huge man, so no one cornered refused him his dollar. I watched this many months and never felt that anyone getting the dollar treatment really deserved me stepping in to help them, they paid their dollar, he moved his bulking mass out of the way and the transaction was done.

One day while I was sitting on the cement steps outside my apartment I saw the give me a dollar man get involved where I could not sit by and allow it to continue.

The large man cornered a young girl for his typical give me a dollar spiel, however the girl was too young to know what was happening, she broke down crying, not knowing all it took was a flash of a 1 dollar bill to get out of this. The girl could not figure out how to get past the large man. She stood with a look of terror as he came closer and closer.

I walked over and positioned myself so that the girl could have an escape she was comfortable with, she slid past me and out and I never saw her again. I turned on him, yelling at him like I was a parent scolding a child. The big guy dropped straight down on his butt to the sidewalk, sat cross legged and sobbed. He cried so hard he drooled and snot ran out his nose. This is not the response I was expecting, a punch in the nose was a good outcome I was looking for, and was expecting far worse than that. Now I wasn't sure if I wouldn't have actually preferred the punch in the nose, this was uncomfortable and made me feel pretty bad for the big guy.

He looked up at me and said sobbing "I'm Sorry, I don't mean to scare them, no one gives me money unless I do that. If I had a sign I wouldn't have to do that. I can't read or write so I can't have a sign." He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked back at me. "Will you help me make a sign?" What could I say? We went to find the materials. In the alley I found a good sturdy cardboard that was waxed so it wouldn't dissolve in the rain. I then went into my apartment and grabbed a sharpie to write with. We sat on my stoop and I asked him what he wanted it to say. He thought long on this and slowly said "spare a dollar? can't read or write, please help. God bless you"

As I wrote this in block letter he leaned way in as if it was amazing to him watching a letter be born on a page, or in this case a piece of box. He watched as I started to color in the letters and commented, "yeah, yeah, that looks good" even though he had no clue what I was writing. He was getting excited like a kid about to be handed a birthday present, he was standing with his arms outstretched waiting for the sign for several minutes before I was even done. When I finally gave it to him he never even looked up at me, he just repeated "Thank you, Thank you" over and over while staring at his sign with a big smile on his face. I patted him on the back in a way that directs someone away and off he went with his new sign.

I lived on the Ave. in the U-District for a few more years, during this time I saw the big guy almost every day sitting or standing with his sign, I never saw him be forceful or intimidating with anyone again. He moved downtown for some reason and I started seeing him regularly outside Nordstrom's or the Rack, still with his sign.

I stopped seeing the big guy, I hope something good happened to him, but unfortunately in the world of the homeless it is not generally the case. I started seeing his sign in the hands of many other homeless people, there was a whole community downtown sharing his sign, I saw it in the cement park in the hands of a crazy lady, on a street corner in the hands of a man begging for change from cars, leaned up against an empty wheelchair with a can to collect coins sat in front of it, and then one day I saw it setting propped between 2 newspaper dispensers. I looked at it and thought about what must have happened to the big guy, I felt sad, that was the last time I saw our sign.

Roadtrip

2009-08-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

Another reminder why I am never moving back to Phoenix started off my road trip. The 1st 2 days in Arizona were to be camping with my parents. That got canceled due to the fact that my Grandparents had a home invasion. They had 4 men with gun's bust into their home and hold them at gunpoint while they went through the house taking only an envelope of money my grandparents had just withdrawn from the bank. The police believe a bank employee tipped them off. It was an inside job. My grandparents were not hurt, in fact my Grandmother commented on how nice they were as they went about their illicit activity. A new security system and more secure door & window cages are being installed.

I visited with my Grandparents the whole 1st day, they showed me around the camper they are giving me. We sat and talked all day & then we all met up with my parents for dinner. After dinner I visited my favorite {dancing} establishment in Phoenix, the candy store. Where 3 young lovely ladies danced with{for} me.

The next morning I went to visit Jim but couldn't come over right away as there was a bobcat laying on his front porch, no one could leave or enter until the bobcat decided to leave. After the bobcat wandered off and sat in a neighbors tree, I came in. Jim showed me around his home, this is a new one since I was here last. We headed outside, he handed me a golf club? For the snakes, he said. His pool was amazing with skulls inlaid in the waterfall and a cement table in the shallow end to swim around and have drinks. We retired to his home bar and drank Water and discussed politics. They live in a very Republican neighborhood. They may be the only normal people in that town. Jim does construction and has done many of the homes and businesses in that area. That is the reason he moved out there. He has been written up in the paper as a person who hires illegal aliens, he has a crew of Mexicans that have worked for him for many years. They are Mexican nationals with the right to work in the U.S. However the paper obviously looked into this accusation as the unidentified neighbor who submitted the story responded, I know because they have Mexico license plates. I don't think any ILLEGAL would drive around in a vehicle marked Mexico. Oh and now he is apparently a drop spot for human traffickers from Mexico because there is always Mexicans hanging out in his side yard. His crew meets at his home to go out to construction jobs and guess what it is the same 3 Mexicans every time, Oh yeah that's right to the Republican party all Mexicans look alike.

I am running out of time, I will write on the actual roadtrip later, Bye.

Stir crazy & left home alone

2008-12-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me but you won't let those robots eat me. I,m snowed in, stuck alone in the wilderness. I've been left home alone over the holidays. There is a wild black beast roaming the halls, incessantly stalking me & sending chills up & down my spine with his evil calls. I know he want's to eat me, I can tell by the look in his eyes. She's gotta be strong to fight them so she's taking lot's of vitamins.

Your always such a spectacle. I scoured the cupboards for what little food I could find. It's is enough to keep me through another day, I don't want to envision what will happen at breakfast tomorrow.I have been reduced to eating baked pork chops, dredged in spiced flour & cooked with pork sausage & a little red wine. Oh the inhumanity. She was selling speedboats in a trade show when it mattered. I had to fry my Zucchini, FRY it OMG! I only have fresh sour creme to dip the fried zucchini in, how will I ever survive. Not even her wrenches or secret powers could save him. My pickle meddle consisted only of.... I almost can't bear to say, only Cornichons, Asparagus, Matiz Vasco Pipparas, & Dolmas, That is it, I..I.. Don't know what to say. The apples sauce to dip my pork chops in was so sparse, it had none of the modernizations food should have, no Sugar, High Fructos Corn Syrup, Preservative, nothing. It was just plain 100% organic apples Wat Tha? #$%^. Oh and that's not all, I had to wash all this down with, get this a blended Spanish red wine, blended!

they mixed the Grenache with the Syrah who would do this? With a head like a vulture and a heart full of hornets he drives off the cliff.

I had to eat by candlelight. Well I thought you were shallow but then I fell in deep.The evil beast has lunged at me and has pinned me to the chair.

Come shape this tunnel vision, all shined up & locked on trouble. This may be the last you hear from me. Goodbye all those wh..... Oh Ho Ho A La De Da De Dah O'O'O' Ho HoeO'E'O' ooohhh Buh Buh Bah Buh.

2008-12-22T10:39:00.001-08:00

My Christmas Vacation

2008-12-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

I decided to put on a happy face, it scared the hell out of a teenage girl at the airport. After my flight was canceled, I walked to what I thought was the end of the line of people waiting to reschedule flights. I was informed by a joyous older couple that this was only 1/4th of the line, the end of the line is clear down there, I couldn't see it. They informed me they had been waiting for 4 hours in the line but were both smiling & talking to everyone around them. They were not bitter or in tears like 99% of the rest of the people in the airport.

That is when I decided it ain't so bad, there are lot's of beautiful women in the airport to look at & many funny arguments & people freaking out as tensions run high. I will enjoy these things rather than be a part of them. I found out quick that in a crowd of angry & sad people that most people appreciate someone who is taking it good, I think I reset many people to normalcy. That is up until I walked past a teenage girl, who looked at me being happy & got a look on her face like she had just seen Satan himself & tried to scrunch herself further into a brick wall she was leaning against. Note to self teenagers are afraid of happiness.

I had traveled to the airport this morning in a beautiful winter wonderland in Seattle. It was calm & quiet unlike anything I had heard in the city, I could hear every train whistle & every boat horn from miles away, there was one bird chirping & icicles crunched as they dropped through the snow. It took me 3 hours to get to the airport what usually takes 1, I probably would have wandered through the snow checking it all out anyway. There were buses stuck in snow drifts & on hills, some had spun out, my driver was cool and just whipped past them & only stopped where he knew he could get going again even though some people got mad at him for missing their stop. I got dropped off at Pike Place Market and wandered around for awhile, I had left early enough to allow myself some time for enjoyment of the trip.

If your flight has been canceled, please leave the airport. Do not stay here you will not be rescheduled today, Said the loud speaker. I noticed a wave of police & security guards come running out to specified points of the airport after they made this announcement. I guess they knew what was about to happen, people freaked, it was hilarious. I saw the happy old couple shrug and go I guess were spending Christmas in Seattle & head off.

I saw them again outside waiting for the bus, we talked for awhile, I really like them. Two buses arrived, there were enough people waiting to fill 3, the old couple were getting knocked around as people turned to a mob trying to be on these buses. I knew the old lady had been freezing, I decided she needed to be on this bus, I blocked out a clearing for them to allow them on the bus, they thanked me, I stepped back & let everyone else I had just blocked on the bus, I figured it would not be good for me to be in the same bus as them as they were all very angry with me now. I waited for the next bus which took an hour & then had 3 buses worth of people trying to get on one, A huge black man was intimidating people to move up in the crowd, when he got to me I turned to him and said "I am getting on this bus", I must have said it convincingly, he threw up his palms & said OK man, we both made it on.

I ate my apple as a group of women screamed into their cell phones in Arabic & Spanish. The snow was building up on my head. My mom had called as I got back into Seattle, she has finagled me another flight out at 3pm so I hopped off the bus, crossed the street & waited for another 45 minutes for the same bus to go back, I could have just stayed on it. I got back to the airport & checked right in, cool!, NOT! after checking in I found the curbside bag check had closed & they sent me to the end of the bag check line. This line went on for infinity, I never knew infinity has a corner in it but this one did after infinity it turned the corner only to go on for infinity part deux.

Pajamas, used to be my preferred attire for airplane travel. Sexual attraction has taught me a lesson why they are not always the best idea. The large group of Japanese girls, all of them beautiful, played keep away with one of the girls passport. I watched as they grabbed at each other, giggled, bumped, pushed, wrestled. At one point the passport girl caught the girl holding her passport, the keep away girl secreted it away to another but the passport girl did not see that. She proceeded to push the other against the wall just like a cop would when catching a suspect. She did a full pat down search of the girl she had held against the wall as the whole group laughed uncontrollably. Their line moved & they all went with it, I turned & came face to face with the evil old Iranian lady that had been bitching the whole time about this line. I saw a look of disgust on her face as she grabbed her bags & moved back in the line 3 spaces. I looked down to my PJ's & saw what had sent her running. At least my wood helped a few people move up in line.

We can all take a shower together, said the loudmouthed Mexican girl to me and the hot blond. My final flight was canceled as were all the flights from Seatac airport. Everyone in the airport left at the same time. Getting a bus was impossible so I asked the hot blond if she would like to share a cab, the loudmouth Mexican girl who was also hot jumped in and said she would like to share it with us as well, split 3 ways that would only be $20 each for the cab. Once in the city the snow was so bad that we could go no farther than my house, we were all freezing & needed to warm up quick. The bus showed up that I could get on & my fantasy dissolved. I am now still trying to keep a positive outlook on the day but am starting to recede into my fantasy's.

Man with tools coming on, get out of the way. It was snowing hard & I was cold & tired looking forward to a long long walk from downtown Seattle to Ballard carrying luggage. A bus came by & I waved him down, he stopped even though it was not a bus stop. The driver said there is no room but if I could squeeze in the back door I could get on and this is the last bus leaving downtown. Another man had walked up to the bus as I was talking to the driver, he beat me to the back door, there was no room. He was carrying snow shovels & started yelling "man with tools coming on, get out of the way" & made enough room for the 2 of us.

I love the Greeks. I was still a mile or so away from home & knew I had to walk this last part through deep snow & hills. I walked into the Greek restaurant in Fremont they said they would be staying open for awhile, I immediately ordered some hot soup. Some friends live nearby here & I called to have them come down for dinner. It was very relaxing but all my muscles stiffened up, I realized that other than the bus ride to the airport this morning that this was the 1st time I had sat down, even my other bus rides had all been standing room only. I left at 6:55am in the morning, it was now something like 6pm.

The girl stroked at my beard as her jealous boyfriend & his friends looked on. I dragged my luggage, it may have actually made it harder but I didn't care. I was wet, cold, sore & tired. I felt miserable & figured I should look miserable to fit how I felt. A group of 4 girls & 3 guy's were walking towards me, I started to limp. I don't know why I started to limp, I didn't need to. I guess it just made me look more like I felt. They were having a snowball fight, one of the girls missed her target & hit me. She was very apologetic. You poor guy, I'm sorry she brushed the cold snow from my beard & then scratched my beard as if I were a dog or a cat she was petting. Her male friends were not pleased, they went on. As they went away I realized I was still wearing the PJ's.

Made it

2008-12-21T20:02:00.000-08:00

I made it home just now, I left this morning at 6:50am. Here it is 8:03pm. I'm going to take a hot shower to shake the snow out of my brains & then I'll tell ya'll about it.

Secret Bar SloMo Fight

2008-11-15T23:54:00.000-08:00

Whatever was going on in his head had distracted him from his new shot of cheap booze. The gap was long enough for the other drunk to sidle up to him at the bar. The other drunk reached ever so slowly towards the shot. The movement was not slow in an attempt to sneak up on the shot of liquor, it was as fast as he could move. He picked up the shot and drank it, setting it down as fast as he had approached it. The owner of that shot watched the whole scene with no effect or emotion until about a full 10 count after the empty glass hit the bar. I saw one eyebrow respond, then the other. A line appeared in his forehead and another. Soon his face registered that he had just been taken & was finally showing the anger. He grabbed the bar with his right hand & then his left. He pulled himself around to face the drunk that had violated a sacred trust of a bar. I sang along with a full chorus of "I Love This Bar" in the time it took for the first brow to move & the turn to complete. The violating drunk stared blankly at the owner of the stolen shot. A twitch in his chin registered that he might be in trouble, but the rest of him was not getting it. Soon a questioning look came over the sides of his mouth and the angle between his brows dropped. He then looked up, I could tell he finally got it. He had to run, he was in trouble. He spun himself around & stood, fell back to the bar stool, & stood again. His pursuer was pulling at the bar as if it was supposed to give him a boost up, it did not. He stood, fell back on his bar stool, & stood again. The thief had an arms length on the pursuer. The pursuer, at a pace that would take about 1 and 1/2 minutes to cover about 20 feet of carpet, reached as far as he could in front of him with fingers wiggling as if trying to grow them just long enough to grab hold. The thief was doing the same but grabbing at thin air in hopes that something would catch and give him leverage to move any faster than the snails pace at which this chase was happening. The booze they were drinking must have spilled down their pants and melted their shoes or something. They just couldn't move even in anger and fear. The chase proceeded as the rest of the song ended, they went around the corner, leaving us to stare at the Chinese stone engravings, feeling like we just had a drug flashback. This whole scene had just transpired in the slowest of motion but the song and sound around us had remained constant, it was just these 2 guys moving in absolute rhythm with each other. I wonder if on their plane of existence that they were moving at a completely normal speed. The victim returned, it took forever for him to get from the door to the bar, obviously he had not caught the offender. About 2 minutes later the offender returned. He walked to the bar and sat down next to the victim, neither one seemed to recall what had just happened. They didn't know that one of them had broken trust and stolen the others drink & they didn't know that one of them had intended harm to the other for doing so. This must be the meaning of true peace. Only that magic elixir booze could deliver such quick resolution to conflict & such a decisive transition to peace.

2008-11-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

Another unposted old one.

2008-10-12T18:01:00.001-07:00

Following the large horseflies around the basement, hoping they would lead me to the location of the smell of dead animal emanating from every direction. The stench was evil scientist amazing. With my red bandanna tied around my moth & nose, along with the Curious George flashlight, & the Taz Toes, I crept along. The Flies were no stool pigeons, they saw that I wanted to remove their meal ticket & were unwilling to give up the location. I followed but they led me astray, even to the point of sacrificing themselves to Castor & Pollacks by leaving the basement into the kitchen. The evil stench was like a ventriloquist, only instead of a voice it projected the smell, everywhere I went it would get stronger then weaker. A bout of ennui worked to resolve the hunt, all I had to do was feign interest, act wearied as if to give up and my nemesis came to me. Finally face to face with my nemesis did not equate to success, rather just the 1st part of the journey ended with the hard part to come. My nemesis found a lair deep within the walls of Liberty. With no fear of death or dead things & a very large hammer I pounded the hell out of the wall & removed the obstacle keeping me from resolving our smelly issue. Exposed like the Wizard in OZ, my prey was not to be feared. Through breaks in the wall I spied 3 bodies. In a rush as if they would get away I tore at the rest of the wall. They were not going anywhere. The family of rat's had come together in a group to die. There were many more exposed once the wall was completely removed. I gingerly removed their bodies from the wall, I had to do this by hand, no tool would get back to the crevice they had made their final resting place. I felt bad that I could not leave them in their chosen final resting place, unfortunately it stunk up the whole house. The children of the flies, Maggots, had already gone to work feasting on the bodies of the deceased. I reached in and scooped every last maggot out by hand. They would travel with their meal to their final resting place in the circle of life.

Unsent Message To A Friend

2008-10-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

People we love pass from this existence to the next throughout our lives. Many without the opportunity to say goodbye. The opportunity to meet with and talk to a loved one as they pass may on the surface seem a sad event. When we feel the sadness we are thinking of the loss. What we overlook is the great opportunity we have in being able to spend a few more moments with them. Sometimes it seems they can't hear us or don't know we are there as we say goodbye. I believe they can regardless of the situation. This is a rare event. In that time we can take from them the whole history of their lives & infuse it into ours, their spirit permeating us. At the same time we can tell them of our lives and give them great joy to take with them to the next level of their existence. You have the opportunity to tell her of the future of her lineage. In her mind she will see the past joy's of her family come back to life through your announcement of another to begin. She will think of the future you will have with her great grandchild & all the joy and pain to come. She will know that even the pain in life is worth it as part of the experience. A quick and unexpected passing is tragic. The end of a long life is not. It is sad to lose them, but a real blessing to have had them. Remember as long as they are alive there is still hope they will hold on longer, but when they finally give up and resign themselves to move on, know that you are what they lived their life for.

Truck Surfing, Hoarding Indians, & Aliens

2008-05-04T00:33:00.000-07:00

My friend, which we will refer to as T.G. to protect her identity, you will see why this is necessary later, Stopped in the doorway. It was a welcome change to see someone we know show up in our doorway. All we were getting at the time were Junkies, Meth Addicts, Crazy people, & one robber who got our bottle of whiskey at gun point. Regardless of all these unwelcome visitors, we had to leave the door open, we could not afford electricity & the Summer heat in the desert that year topped 123 degrees.

When T.G. showed up we knew there was going to be big trouble in little Sunnyslope. However her kind of big trouble was always fun trouble. She only showed a couple times a year, but when she did she was loaded & ready to spend it. She needed some lackies to do her bidding, get in fights, challenge the law, Do things almost assuredly to result in physical harm, and generally keep her entertained. Don & I were those lackies & went willingly even though we knew what was to happen.

I will not be telling the story of the weeks with T.G. at this time, that would take far too much space. I will focus on a high point during our time this trip, Other trips with her will have to be addressed at a far later date. I do need to let you know that we knew T.G. from high school. She disappeared the whole time we were in college. When she reappeared she was a successful madam with a solid stable of whores that she ran through some 900# sex call lines.

We went off with her in a red pickup truck being driven by one of her more successful whores. Successful because she was actually smokin hot. After several days of straight drinking & mass amount of drugs. I was commandeered to drive as we left a bar in Tempe because everyone was too messed up. I got chosen because I was too drunk to be involved in the argument that occurred about who would drive. Therefore I got volunteered. I made it out of the driveway of the bar & immediately got pulled over by a cop that had been watching the whole scene. I told him the truth, I was too drunk to know what I was doing & they forced me to drive even though I had not wanted to. I told him I was too drunk to argue my side with them & they voted me the driver. It was not my fault. I don't believe this argument worked, but I did get let loose without a ticket or jail. I think getting let loose had more to do with the length of my explanations which were never ending & the fact that the others had all wandered out into a 4 lane major road in different directions while he was paying attention to me. Alone he could not get them all under control. He grabbed Don who was the closest & told him he was sober enough to drive, get his friends together & drive us out of there & go straight home. Don was not only not sober but had no drivers license & knew nothing about how to drive. I think 90 percent of people even when they haven't learned how to drive have some concept & could pull it off. Don however had no concept of how this machinery functioned. After much trouble getting the truck started & a few lurches forward the cop came back. I explained that Don had never driven before. The cop told me to get back in the drivers seat & take us all straight home. I did the first part, but not the second.

We decided to find a swimming pool by driving down alleys with some of us standing up in the back of the bed of the truck looking over fences. We did this truck surfing for quite a few blocks with The Whore driving, it was cool she actually tried to shake us, most people take it easy & make for boring truck surfing, with her driving it was death defying. We finally found a pool & left all our clothes in the back of the truck as we knew we would have to make a quick get away when the owners woke up to 4 naked people in their pool at 2am. We got in a good 5-6 minutes of swimming which is more than usual when borrowing a swimming pool. We truck surfed off for awhile then T.G. said we were close to some acquaintances of hers & they always keep mass quantities of cheap wine. So we went there.

We parked in the alley & hopped the fence, we had to weave our way through a WWII helicopter, half-track, & jeep that were broken down, stripped of the engines, but otherwise complete. We went past a small mother-in-law type cottage & then entered the porch. I noticed the house next door was almost completely wrapped in tin foil?

We walked in to the dark house. All the occupants were asleep, T.G. promptly woke the sleeping American Indians & told them we were there to drink some wine & do some partying. They never said a word, It could be the stoic nature of the American Indian, or the fact that they were suddenly woke up, but more likely it was the fact that T.G. never stopped talking, she stormed through their home, took what she needed, found to key to the cottage & without thanking them or asking permission, turned the lights back out & wandered out with 3 of the gallon bottles of Ernest & Julio wine.

Let me flash back to the inside of the house real quick before moving on. The Indians in the home were hoarders. They save absolutely everything. If you don't know of the hoarding mental problem, look it up so you can better appreciate this. They were not normal hoarders though, they were meticulous, clean, & absolutely organized. The volume of hoarded stuff filled their home, floor to ceiling, except for some alcoves left open for sleeping bags to sleep in. The oddest thing was there were like 8 of them living in there, 8 American Indian hoarders. The hoarded stuff was stacked incredibly tight. The edge was as smooth as any wall of any home. The only difference was instead of drywall or brick, it was millions of items stacked so perfectly they made a smooth solid surface floor to ceiling. I even saw the very edge of a bicycle tire in there.

Don, T.G., The Whore, & I went out to the Mother-In-Law cottage, it was a 1 room. We proceeded to dance & Drink 2 full bottles of the wine between the 4 of us. Don & I went out & played in the WWII incapacitated vehicles. We played Army men, just like when we were kids, only this time we had toys we could actually sit in. At one point I climbed atop the helicopter & shimmied out on one of the props. Don sat at the connection & with his feet got it spinning so fast that eventually I was tossed & hit the aluminum shed, smashing it completely & making one hell of a racket. The Indians never came out & we never saw them again that night. However a cackling scream emanated from the aluminum foil house. "Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut The Fuck Up!" in such an odd cackle we had to go investigate & try to make it do it again. We couldn't find it, we were giggling as we were climbing the fence to investigate. It came out of the window right next to us as we topped the fence, "Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut The Fuck Up!" it startled us & we fell off the fence & started laughing our asses off. We were really, really, drunk. We peaked up again & saw that there was one little hole in all of the tinfoil house & a pair of lips were sticking out yelling at us to be quiet. Then the lip's proceeded to yell at us, not to shut up because the lips were trying to sleep, but because all that noise was going to draw attention from the aliens to her home. A home that she had so effectively camouflaged with shiny reflective material that looked nothing like the rest of the neighborhood. This sent us into such hysterics that we had to hold onto each other to keep from falling off the planet.

After much screaming & way too much laughing, so much we were in pain. We opted to return to the room with T.G. & The Whore. On the way Don walked past a mop bucket with a dirty mop in it & decided to pull it up & swing it at me. I don't think he had intended on actually hitting the target because he knew I would pound the crap out of him. He hit a bullseye though, the old style rag mop hit me on one side of the head & then wrapped around my head & dropped about a gallon of dirty mop water straight into my mouth. I pulled the mop off & proceeded to chase Don through the yard growling like a bear & screaming at the tin foil lady to shut the fuck up herself, I was pissed & going to kill him if I had caught him. Don was standing on the other side of the yard keeping a space between us that would allow for escape, I asked him for a cigarette to get the mop taste from my mouth. I hadn't smoked in a year & it took me another year after this night to quit again.

All the excitement has wiped us out. We went in to see T.G. & The Whore. Don passed out. I was not sleeping until I had consumed my fair share of what was left of the wine. I was laying down on the bed with the wine on the floor, rolling it & tipping the wine into my mouth. I was barely functioning. At this point T.G. and The Whore decided to have sex with each other while leaning against me. I didn't mind & was not frustrated that I couldn't join due to being too drunk, whores scare me anyway & T.G. scared the hell out of me. I did sneak a hand in here & there & they didn't mind, I passed out.

2008-02-23T08:35:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by corneilius1968.

Private Property No Trespassing

2008-01-28T18:49:00.000-08:00

"Here is the ridge we should be following!"
"But that goes in the wrong direction"
"Listen to me I have been out in the woods hundreds of times & never get lost, in fact I have never been lost in my life."
"I just don't feel like going in the wrong direction will get us there"
"Listen to me, this ridge may twist & turn it's way back to town, but it will get us there.
"I'm going this way!"
"Alright we'll go your way, we got food & water & sleeping bag's, what's it matter if we stay out her a few more days?"

"Hey! What's that?"
"What?"
"That up in the tree?"
"it's a......."
"It's a Volkswagen bug"

"Okay... What is a Volkswagen bug doing way up in that spruce?"
"I don't know but look over there on that hill"
"What?"
"In that tree, look up near the top"
"it's a......................"
"It's a god damned washing machine, thats what it is"

This discovery of stuff in the trees continued for hours this evening on the rim of the Grand Canyon. We found more large machinery like stoves, washers, dryers, washing machines, some from every era as well. There were washing machines with the hand cranked wringers on them. We found more small cars, a horse carriage, one tree laden over to bending down with silverware hand tied one at a time to the tree, tens of thousands of individual pieces of flatware. Dishes, Tools, One tree had over 30 ladders hanging from it. All of these items had been placed in the trees over decades, you could tell by the ones where parts of the trunk had grown around. Some were as clean as if they were erected yesterday.

Hours of amazed exploration later we found that we had wandered without direction viewing this wooded wonderland of dead modernity. Now we were not lost but knew we could not strike out until the moon or the sun rose, the blank cloudy sky afforded us no direction. We decided to find a clearing with no trees for things like buses, trains & aeroplanes to drop out of on our heads while we slept.

We found a clearing but it was already occupied by a barracks style army tent. A very large one. This could hold at least 80-100 soldiers & their gear. There was a glow from the middle section of the tent. Not wanting to surprise the tenant we called out from a distance. The camo clad figure came out of the tent looking like something out of apocalypse now. He waved us in, as we got close we noticed the shotgun & he saw us hesitate. "This n's for the damned rodents, don't you worry"

He invited us in to stay over in the barracks, exclaiming "plenty of room". As my eyes adjusted to the light, he wasn't kidding. There was nothing in the tent but one dresser, one army cot, a generator powering one bare 60 watt & a full size 1950's refrigerator, out of which he extracted 3 Budweiser long necks that he proceeded to open with his machete that was hanging on his side. I was grateful for the beer but was wondering why he kept all his stuff in the trees but nothing in his tent? I was hesitant but had to ask. "What's with all the stuff in the trees?"
"Them damned rodents keep getting in here I have to keep stuff up so as not to create nesting places, They is still getting in here regular no matter what I do"
"How far does the trees with stuff hanging in them go?"
"My daddy left me these 300 acres & the national park's been trying to get em from me every since. I can't leave or someone from the government is sure to slide in & stake claim to it"

His eyes went wild, he motioned for us to be quiet, I went to take a sip of beer he grabbed my arm not wanting even a swig of beer to give away our position to whatever it was he heard. I then heard it, under the fridge, a rustling. Out popped the head of the largest rodent I have ever seen, he was not kidding. He Screamed as he charged the refrigerator, blasting holes in the refrigerator & about 20 feet of tent all around. The rodent was not hit & tore off through a hole in the tent just opened by a shotgun blast. The rodent was gone but the screaming & shooting did not stop. He ran off thorough the other section of the barracks blasting holes left & right while screaming like a madman. We grabbed our packs and some more of his beers through the holes in the fridge & let out like bad out of hell.

"Follow me!"
"Are you sure that's the right way?"
"Shut the fuck up & follow me!"
"We were headed that way"
"I told you earlier that is the wrong way, we're going back to the ridge that will take us home."

That Crazy Bitch Saved My Life

2008-01-27T22:45:00.000-08:00

The crowd of about 13 men hangin out on the opposite corner looked up to me in unison like a pack of predators would when prey accidentally stumbled into their den. This is exactly what had happened. I stumbled into the drug dealers street corner at about 3am in the morning. This was downtown Oakland Ca. & I had my backpack that I was living out of as I hitchhiked through California. This was too tempting for the crowd of thugs to pass up. Stupid white boy, alone, with stuff to steal on our turf. Without speaking to each other the pack moved. They even went so far as to shift their bodies in a way that seemed to try to give the impression they were not coming towards me even though I could clearly see them coming. They even shifted their eyes & seemed to point out things to each other that were in the opposite direction. The whole while they were as a pack closing the gap of open blacktop between us. Don't think I was stupid enough to be standing still during the time frame of the above description, I had no misunderstanding of the situation form the 1st second I rounded the corner & had made appropriate moves to keep my distance without doing anything that would cause the situation to break out into a full scale pursuit. I knew I had to keep a slight ruse up that I was not fleeing in terror or they would smell the fear & charge. I did not know the neighborhood & did not know the speed of my opponents. In a situation like this you play the chess game for the next move. Your adrenalin is pumping far too fast to think 2 or 3 moves ahead. I was staying alive a few extra moments for every move I made but did not have an overall exit strategy for the situation.

Oh shit, I thought as I approached a recessed doorway in a brownstone. Thats where that Crazy Bitch jumped out at me as I came by earlier & scared the livin shit out of me. That shopping basket lady with the wail of an evil spirit. She could set this whole thing off & fuck up my tenuous situation causing me to have to run like hell for my life, knowing full well I was at the disadvantage in that situation. I tried to clear out around her doorway enough so as not to alert her to my presence. She bolted out of nowhere into the street screaming like a fuckin banshee "Get away!" "Get Away!" over & over dancing in circles & waving her arms. The effect of this did exactly what I though it would. The pack of predators broke into a full run at me. I panicked & did exactly what I should not have done. what a dumbshit! I ducked into the Crazy Bitches doorway. She freaked on my intrusion into her lair & somehow got even louder & crazier, I did not think this was possible. Now I started thinking she may be more of a danger to me than the pack now just about 10 yards away. She turned her attention quickly to the pack & jumped from the top stair about 5 steps, right into the pack as they came running up. Screaming & swinging & scaring the shit out of them & me. She fuckin drove them off! What the hell? I watched as they ran & heard them arguing with each other. "I ain't going in there with that Crazy Bitch" "You fuckin go in there man!" these arguments were not going to convince any one of them to come in here, I could tell by the distance & the fading of the voices, they were not sticking around to convince each other to give it another try.

She stood panting in the street with her hands & arms held up like a preacher praying to god, until they were far off. Her eyes never coming up off the street. She turned & never looked at me as she sat next to her basket & ignored me for the rest of the night as I contorted my body back into the crevice of the bricks to get as far away from this whole night as possible. I stared at the back of her head that night, listening to the growls, moans, & unintelligible speech that fell from her. As the sun peaked up & some blue came to the sky. Some business people started coming by. My heart jumped right out my throat as she launched from the top step out into the street at the 1st suit & tie that walked by, screaming & thrashing about. He walked by as if she was not even there, sipping off his coffee as he went by. Apparently the regulars were used to her & unafraid. I took the opportunity of the space between the stoop & the street to bolt & get the hell out of Oakland. I left behind an unopened bottle of water. I did not have much to leave but hopefully that showed my thanks to that Crazy Bitch that saved my life.

Explainer of new series of odd people

2008-01-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

This is a short explainer of this new series of people I have met that I felt were odd. I know that many of you who know me understand that many of the people I know are slightly off. This is why I am writing on people that have affected me as odd, not what general society would feel is odd. There is going to be no time line or order of any type as to when I met them. As the memories come to me I will write of them. I will not try to remember when I met them or In what one of the various parts of my life I met them. The names will be changed most of the time, except in cases where there is no way to connect them by name to my story. I am writing of these people as I remember them. Granted as a story is told over & over for years the yarn grows thick. So don't try to associate these stories with complete real life if you happen to have known one of the oddities that I write of. I am writing what is in my head about them now. You must realize that what I have of them in my head now pays far more tribute to them than the actual story may have the 1st time it was experienced or told. The fact that they remain with me is a testament to the love of their individuality & the odd way in which they have affected me.

2007-12-30T21:24:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by corneilius1968.

2007-12-30T21:23:00.003-08:00

Originally uploaded by corneilius1968.

2007-12-30T21:23:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by corneilius1968.

Thanksgiving Weekends

2007-12-05T14:12:00.000-08:00

Introduction:
This is a jumbled up remembrance of Thanksgivings past around the orphans Thanksgiving Day celebrations .... short versions

One year at the U-District house, we had an amazing spread of food as always along with the amazing spread of booze. We crammed way too many people into a couple of small cars & drove to the goth club on capitol hill. There the Spits played a show that was absolutely insane. They threw pot's & pan's & dishes & microwaves out into the pit & all of us smashed the hell out of everything. Maggie & Kate got a hold of a couple of pot's & wore them to keep from getting their heads knocked in by all the flying mayhem. Nick was pole dancing naked on stage & without using his hands swinging his dick around in circles like a stripper girl would do with her tassels. The Spits were rocking it.

Another year at the U-District house, known as the bloodiest Thanksgiving ever. I was living here now & the day started out with another amazing spread of food & booze. The day got wild early in the evening when drunken playful fighting sporadically broke out around the house. A shot glass fight broke out, where we were throwing shot glasses at each other full speed. I almost got Johnathan square in the head once when I was aiming at Greg & Johnathan came around the corner just in time to have a shot glass coming straight at his skull, he was quick enough to duck back out of the way & I got my intended target right in the back. One of the shot glasses hit a gallon glass jar of pickles so hard it punched a hole right through the jar in a perfect circle without breaking the jar. All the juice above the hole ran out & in the morning we found the shot glass nestled in the bottom with the remaining pickles. At some point in the night someone got bloodied in some way & left bloody hand prints all the way up the banister into the upstairs bathroom & left a mess of blood on the sink. We never did figure out who that was & what happened. I was wearing some Tasmanian Devil slippers & gashed my foot wide open on some broken glass. The slippers soaked most of the blood like a sponge & squished it out as I walked around. At Maggie's insistence I went to care for the wound & poured peroxide & rubbing alcohol over it then wrapped it tight with Duct tape & put the bloody slippers back on & returned to the party just in time to enter a fight with Greg. I pounded him down then picked him up & bowled him like a bowling ball into the staircase which knocked him out cold. While Greg laid there unconscious Johnathan was starting a fight with Stephan, Stephan wanted nothing to do with it & turned, to which Johnathan put an egg in Stephan's shirt then proceeded to smack him on the back & smashing egg all over inside Stephan's shirt. Stephan elbowed Johnathan right in the eye knocking him down. Johnathan couldn't see from his eye for awhile & then regained his sight later with no ill effects except for a black eye. Johnathan went to the fridge to get some ice & found Greg there with his head fully in the freezer & asked him what her was doing. Greg said his head hurt.

This year Thanksgiving was more mellow but the night after we had Samfest a benefit concert to raise funds for a memorial for Sam. Early in these evening of bands Rochelle got bombed & started doing striptease & sex show like craziness in the booths. She was completely gone. Tanya, Tony, & I took her home & put her to bed. When I returned I was immediately approached for help with Johnathan. Apparently he had smashed up the green room with power dives into everything, smashing himself up as much as the room. Then he proceeded to go outside & was attempting to piss on a bum who was sleeping outside the bar when 3 officers approached him. The told him he was old enough to know better than that & her responded by repeatedly yelling at them that he was 40 years old. I'm 40Years old, I'm 40 yours old, etc. The bar bouncers told the officers they would get him out of there & home. Everyone was standing outside the bar when I arrived. The bouncers, many of Johnathan's friends, The 3 officers, The owner of the bar, The volunteer driver of a car to take him home. Johnathan was wrapped around the outside of the car door like a cat trying to not be thrown into a tub of water. I immediately walked through everyone, grabbed Johnathan by the face, punched him in the gut & when he collapsed pushed him into the car & closed the door. He immediately tried to grab the steering & drive controls of the car in the front seat, so I jumped in there & shoved him back to the back. I hopped into the back seat, wrapped up his arms & leg's with mine & shoved him sown to the space between the seats & told the driver Michell to get in & take us to Johnathan's. He screamed the whole way home like he was being killed & when we got him there he dropped to the ground on purpose & would not walk. Stevil & I carried him kicking ^& dragging all the way to his apartment.

The day after we were eating in the dock & a crazy broke out of his cage apparently. The crazy in the dock started yelling about how Wi fi is setting us up for nuclear Armageddon, theres one at a bar stool in every bar in America, they are using it to target us. Then started yelling give me matches! When he got them he yelled "Sulfer!" "GO!" lights the match tosses it on the ground & yells "Boom!" Then proceeded to rant more & left. This kept us very entertained for our breakfast after Samfest, Thanksgiving weekend.

Was it a horrible year? 2007

2007-12-05T13:00:00.000-08:00

I look at 2007 and think what a horrible year. This year has been full of tragedy. My best friend Dave passed away & left behind his son & wife. A great friend of mine Sam passed away & left a gaping hole in a whole community of people. A friend Shayna passed away in a tragic car accident. She was one of the daughters of a small community so her passing affected every one in that community. My friend Janet had a stroke that she survived but the final outcome of the damage is still yet to be seen.

Looks like a horrible year. Then I look deeper. I got to see Dave this year before he died. I saw Dave rarely these days usually just once over Christmas & even then did not get to spend the kind of time I wish I could have. He was a different person most of the time because of overuse of alcohol. To get to see him sober & know that he would even remember our time together was great, especially considering the timing before his death.

I spent time with Sam frequently over the last 11 years, this year was no exception. I thought about Sam & found that even though her death is sad, it was not tragic. She lived every minute of her life & left nothing she wanted to do undone. The only thing we'll miss out on now is more of a full life. I got to see her just before she died. She told me she loved me as she always did. I did not feel like I missed out on anything in my friendship with Sam.

Jack a new soul to this life was born, Anatomist after what seemed to be an eternal pregnancy brought him in & he came in with no complications, totally healthy. That is another good part of the year. Oh, the pregnancy seemed eternal because she blogged what seemed to be every horrible second of the pregnancy. If any of you want to dissuade your daughters from getting pregnant, cut out Anatomist's pregnancy & just after pregnancy blog's, I think those blogs are one of the best birth controls possible.

Dave's son even though he will not get to spend anymore time with his dad, has a family in Dave's relatives and in Wendy's along with some friends that will care for him. He will not miss out on good input from his elders. Greg I know will have a great influence on him & Wendy is one of the most caring person's in the world. There is no doubt on this as she is the only one that I think could have loved Dave the way she did. He had some personality traits that weaker people would not be able to see past to get to the good stuff about Dave.

Janet had her stroke & even though it could have been, thankfully it wasn't worse. I talked to her in the hospital & she seemed to get better just over the couple of days I was able to spend time there. They released her earlier than expected, I take this as a good sign. Janet is going to stick around, another good part of the year.

Through my newer northwest friends I have gotten to meet many of what I consider to be some of the best people, this year. The only comparison I can make is to my Arizona friends who to my view could have never been bested as far as being stand up quality people. Don't get me wrong, I know all my friends are weird & that is what I love about them. The one thing about the Phoenix crew & the Northwest people I now know is they are all true, no fakes.

The people I did not lose this year outnumber the people I did lose by many times. These really changed my view on this year. There have been some up's & down's but overall this has been a good year. 2008 will be even better because no one is going to die, that is my new years wish.

Zombies vs The Go! Kids- Dream #8

2007-10-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

The eccentric old science teacher was standing outside the door, anonymously watching the science class struggle with the assignment he had given them. As the student argued over the right way to complete the assignment, he checked their progress by the scents coming from under the door. Inside a light green fog came up, some of the students wandered in circles. some tried to run and fell, one dove through a glass window but still failed to get away from the light green fog. The teacher was oblivious to anything but the scents emanating from the science class. "Sulfur, Actinium, Gallium he said aloud, Then Arsenic matter-of-factly, then Arsenic repeated in alarm. He ran to the deans office without checking on the students. After hearing what scent had come from the class, the dean called up his security & directed them to have the 2 guards from the front gate go to the classroom & shoot the students. The guards obeyed & must have known to be prepared for this contingency. The dean & the Science teacher grabbed a key from a safe & headed to a section of the campus that was wooded & remote. There they approached a large set of copper doors at the bottom of a sloped entry way. The slope was steep, as if the entry would continue down beyond the doors to a deep subterranean level. The dean had called in more security on the way to the copper doors & had them line up to fend off anyone that would be coming to the doors. He inserted the key but did not unlock the doors, he was checking to insure they were locked. He then gave the key to the largest & strongest security guard for safe keeping. The students from the Lab began wandering toward the door. They were in a daze as if hypnotized & drawn to the copper doorway. Other students began coming too, the light blue cloud had floated to other areas of the campus, affecting others as well. The guards shot them as they came & were having no problem keeping them away from the doors. The wind shifted, small particles of the light blue cloud, barely noticeable, floated across the large security guard. He disappeared down by the door. The dean looked around & realizing the guard was gone went down to the doors only to find them open. He immediately shut them & locked them. A minute later the doors were broke open with one hit from the inside & the large guard bolted faster than a cheetah out of the hole. He attacked the 1st person he came to & ripped them to pieces. He ate them in just moments. This broke up the line of the other security guards & the dazed students began filing down the hole. The large security guard would grab one at random as they filed by & rip them to shreds eating them as well. The students approached what was once a chemical barrel but the top had disintegrated & it now resembled a cauldron with a steamy burbling concoction brewing. The students were drawn to it & took handfuls into their mouths, they immediately went into convulsions on the ground as their bodies almost instantly changed taking on traits of the dead but increasing their size & strength 10 fold. As they were complete in their transformation they shot out of the hole taking down anything that moved except for others that had already drank from the cauldron, they even took down others who were entranced by the light blue cloud & on the way to the cauldron. Outside the dean headed around the corner of an old building, he knew he would have time to get away as long as there was a steady stream of people filing towards the doors to keep the beasts fed. He knew that respite would not last long & they would be spanning out in all directions searching for more victims to eat. He ran out of view away from the mele. Through the woods & along a river he ran as fast as he could. The scenery was beautiful, he knew they would be attracted more to the populated areas of town so he remained in the areas with little or no people. Once he came out of the woods, several hours later in another town, he went to a street corner to try to catch a ride. There was already a hitchhiker there that refused to give up his spot in line for the next ride, no matter how much the dean expressed the emergency nature of his travels. The hitchhiker took the next ride. The dean saw the hitchhikers blood splash across the back window. He knew he had been beaten to town by the creatures. He ran along past road food establishments like A&W Root beer & Taste-T-Cream. He came to a girl who was walking along the highway, he asked her how to get to the shipyard. She asked why he wanted to go there. He explained he had to meet some friends there & then try to find a way out onto the ocean to head overseas. She asked him if he was an experienced seaman, he said no. "How do you expect to get a job if you don't know anything about being a seaman?" she asked. He said then he will just have to stow away. She directed him & he headed that way. An odd kid was skateboarding by, the dean recognized him because of the oddness & called out to him. He stopped & was informed by the dean about what happened. They went separate ways, the dean to his attempts to go overseas & the kid to a brick building on a side street not far from where they met. Once inside The kid approached a group of odd looking kids of all strange shapes & sizes wearing uniforms labled The Go! Kids. After explaining to the unruly group the situation they all let out with a giant robot to a fortress in the hills. There they began jumping up & down yelling into a camera for the occupant to let them in. The occupant was hesitant & asked who they were again, the skateboard kid said "Aw cum on doc let us in, you know who we are" the gates opened. Once inside they proceeded down a hallway, at one point the hall narrowed due to some sort of mechanism & the robot could not continue. The robot groaned his displeasure, the kids kept going without even looking back or addressing the bot. Once in the lab the doc had already been aware of what was going on somehow & had been working on some chemicals to try to combat it. He was not even close but had developed one that if ingested would make the zombies think you were already one of them, allowing you more opportunity to move about. He gave this to the kids. The team asked if it had been tested or not (it had not) they drank it anyway.

I woke up.

IMG_4223

2007-10-19T13:10:00.001-07:00

IMG_4223
Originally uploaded by corneilius1968.

Sam (Nicole)

2007-10-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

The last thing Sam said to me was "you know I love you, right?" & hugged me hard like she always did. She knew she made me feel uncomfortable when she did this & I alway pulled away. She knew though that I loved her, even though her closeness she put out made me uncomfortable because she was Johnathan's girlfriend. She alway would revel in my shyness or embarrassment & made a point of hugging & kissing me in front of everybody. I think she just liked to torture me. Even though she loved to torture me I know she loved me too. I love many people & love them more than they know because I am not good at expressing it. She knew me though & could see right through me & knew my true feelings. I don't know how & don't even understand why she loved me so much. I even went out of my way to piss her off & succeeded, she was like the family pet though, no matter how much I tried to piss her off & distance her she knew who I was & how I felt & kept working to break me down. There has only been 2 people in my life that could tell exactly who I was & how I felt without question, Maggie & my mom. Sam is the 3rd & I realized this only the night before the last night I saw her. I can say without question that no matter what I have been loved by at least 3 people in my life, these three loved me unconditionally & I still do not understand any of them. My mom, it seems obvious that she would have to but with what I put her through my whole life, if I was in her place I would have strung me up & killed me. Maggie I still do not understand why she loves me but it probably has something to do with the same way I feel about her, I have no idea why I love her but I do unconditionally & forever. Sam the same thing & now that she is gone I don't even understand how I can imagine life without her. She was not just a part of my life, or Seattle. She was an energy in the world.

My Run In With The Law

2007-10-06T03:10:00.000-07:00

The bar in Ballard closed at 2am & all the drunks were asked to leave in the typical friendly way by the Tin Hat bartender, "Last call, drink em' up & get the fuck out" It was a long & liquid night at the bar, many drinks were had. So upon entering the real world my mind went to deciding on what kind of mayhem I could cause. The first victims were the sandwich boards advertising the local business, those things tend to piss me off when I'm drunk. They all ended up in someones front yard that night. Since then they have all been taken inside each night at closing time for the business. I could have told them long ago that it was wise to bring in the sign nightly, obviously they needed an example of why. I was happy to oblige.

The next victim was a typical garden hose, made in China I suppose? This garden hose left crossing the sidewalk & out into the median grass was rudely blocking my path & had to be dealt with in an immediate & decisive manner. The hose was tied in knots around several vehicles on the block linking them all together & blocking the street. That will teach that damned hose from getting in my drunken path.

The City of Seattle may have learned a lesson this night as well. Cement them street signs into the ground. It is amazing just how far a street sign can be thrown & just how loud it is upon crashing back to earth. I always thought stop signs were the best, this night however I found that the ones with the big yellow triangle reflectors are actually the ones that fly the farthest & make the most noise.

There it was, right in front of me. Calling to me like an apparition in the darkness. It had to be done! There was no way I could resist. The flag pole in the middle of that well kept yard was just too much temptation for my drunken mind. My underwear were going to be flying proudly in the wind this very night. I dropped drawers & took off my smiley face polka dotted boxers. I knew the others with me well & so was not bashful of my nekkidness. Besides I was drunk & really wouldn't have cared who watched. I put my pants back on & hoisted the boxers to the top of the flag pole. Cheers went up from the crowd of 2, they had been tagging along the whole time, enjoying my antics. This however was the main show, I was proud of my successful venture and stood back admiring the new flag. The pole was in complete darkness except for the very top which was highlighted by a street light on the next street over. My underwear glowed in the night as bright as day. It was a beautiful sight.

We wandered on, there is one of those triangle street signs, OK so I did the grand finale already but I just couldn't resist one more toss. This one went up & over my head right out into the street. It was beautiful & loud. The Red & Blues of the Seattle Police Department came on down the road. I was nabbed, pinched, caught, busted. I wondered what the fine was for sign tossing. I wondered how I would explain my sport of sign tossing to the officers. The car got to my location & from several different directions so did 5 other cop cars. Light & Sirens blaring & they all poured from their cars screaming for me to get on the ground. Wow! they really like their street signs in this city.

My friends had been following at a distance all night, at this time they had gone ahead about 40 yards. The cops having me now in cuffs so I couldn't get away and toss anymore signs asked if I knew those people. "I have no idea who those guy's are. Did they do something wrong? It has nothing to do with me". This tactic did not work, the cops were in fact there for me. They didn't pursue my friends who went around a corner then snuck back behind some bushes to watch the rest of my nights entertainment.

Six of the cop's sat me on the ground & started yelling at me in unison. "Where is the flag" When I say yelling, I should explain this. They were pissed & spitting while they yelled. Some had obviously been military Sargent's because boy could they yell. I was sitting there & the only thing I could think at this time was, how the heck did they not see me toss that sign? After some more yelling & me not answering because my head was somewhere else, I thought what the heck are they talking about. Obviously I had said this out loud because I was hoisted from all sides & dragged about 7 houses back to the flag pole. The flag that was on that pole, they said. Oh I thought, that. Being sure to keep this thought inside. "I have no idea what you guy's are talking about."

At this point the shortest cop with the largest attitude came up to me & screamed, vibrating with anger. Tell us where the god damned flag is. I thought, again keeping it inside this time, they must think there was a flag that was taken down and replaced with my underwear. It is recently after 9-11 & nationalism is very high right now. Am I getting busted for being a flag burning terrorist? I said I'm sorry sir, I have no idea what you are talking about. The cop said I am not a sir I am a maam. This shocked the hell out of me, I was speechless, There was no way this cop was a maam. I guess I cracked a smile a bit because I caught hell for the next few minutes. I was asked another question that I don't remember and not thinking answered no sir. I was slammed to the pavement by this short cop who claimed to be a maam not a sir. The other cop's, even though pissed at me for being a flag desecrater, stopped her from continuing her assault. They picked me up & dragged me over to the flagpole & instructed me to lower my underwear from the pole. "Those aren't my underwear, I have no idea what you are talking about". The short cop, Maam, came over pulled my pants out to view my junk. She said you have no underwear on & expect us to believe those aren't yours? I told her I go commando & never wear underwear. She said you better not be lying, do you know what happens when you lie to an officer? I said no sir & was promptly slammed against the flag pole. The other officers removed Maam from my immediate space & took over. One officer asked, in a normal tone for the first time, take them shorts down from that pole. So I proceeded to lower my shorts from the pole. I felt sad that the world would not get to wake up to my grand polka dotted smiley face underwear in the morning. Those poor people would not get a nice morning laugh to start their day. What an injustice these officers were pulling on the people of the neighborhood. I got them down & thrust them to the cop who jumped back & said I don't want them, put em in your pocket. I said, OK but their not mine.

The other Police Officers that were there waking up & interviewing the neighbors & the owners of the flag pole found that the flag get's taken down & brought in each evening. They seemed to relax a bit when they found it was just a flag "pole" violator & not a flag violator they were dealing with. They told me I could go. So I went. Right as I got to the gate of my house a police car came speeding up with it's lights on. I stopped thinking they had changed their mind, OR had found the yellow street signs. One of the officers came over & handed me my ID which they had forgotten to give back to me.

My friends in the bushes came out & stated: "We can't believe you got away with that". I could believe it, I always get away with things somehow. My friend the Vampire says I have an army of Angels protecting me. We ended the evening by slam dancing around the living room to loud heavy metal music, drinking about 1/2 a bottle of whiskey, shooting off about 10 pounds of illegal fireworks in the front yard, & watching my roommates girlfriend do a striptease on the table.

Strange Visitor Dream #7

2007-09-18T00:22:00.000-07:00

The point of light was so brilliant it seemed to cut space as it moved, however it did not hurt my eyes to look at it. The brilliance of it made the world around it seem dull. It was so small, barely the head of a pin. I never got his name but we conversed for quite awhile. He spoke softly & was intelligent. Our conversations though challenging were stimulating. I knew the conversations were all leading though. I could feel that he was playing me to get me to take him somewhere. I somehow felt that going there would be wrong. Maybe it was the way he was leading to that issue that made me realize it was not a good idea, was this a sign of his flaws in the conversation? Maybe there was another reason I didn't feel we should go? The conversation began to turn, he was somehow getting me to be drawn where he wanted me to go verbally. The most frustrating part of this was that I knew he was doing this & I knew he was beating me but could not do anything about it. I continued to try, change the subject, offer a different point of view, disagree with a completely logical fact. He did not play into my word games & continued to drag the conversation to what his real intention was. He wanted to go somewhere. He needed me to get him there. I wondered why he would need me, he floated around just fine & was not at the mercy of the breeze. He went where he wanted. He was small enough to get through anything. Why does he need me. I thought about asking this but then realized we were now on the road in my pickup driving through unfamiliar territory. The conversation challenge continued, even though I was being manipulated it was a pleasure to have these discussions. We arrived, some people came running out waving their hands, not in welcome but in the go away don't come here way. One bearded bald man came running up & told be to take the point of light back, it could not be here, that would be very dangerous & they had taken the point of light to where it was originally for this very fact, somehow it became my job to take the point of light away from here. I lost to it already, I don't know what makes them think I can keep him away, what is he being kept from anyway?

The Heaviest Thing I Have Ever Moved

2007-08-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

A friend donated this old freezer to the Liberty House. We went to pick it up in downtown Seattle in an alley. I lifted on the side to test the weight & found it taking all my strength to lift just one side. There was about 2 gallons of water from the melted ice in it & even though it would make no real noticeable difference to the amazing weight this thing has, I figured no additional weight was needed. I lifted the side up & placed it on it's side enough to let the water out. After letting it down, I had serious reservations about this venture. I wandered back & forth looking at the van we had to get it to & the place it lay. We decided to try it & used the strength of 2 people & walked each corner forward, one side at a time. This got it to the gate. Time to stop & calculate again, large freezer for the house, or continued pain free back & knees for a few more years. We went for the freezer & the pain. We hefted one end, the light end into the van, I then shouldered the other end into the van. This is truly the heaviest object I have ever moved. We still need to get it out when we get home too.

2007-07-23T15:46:00.001-07:00

It may just seem like water & rocks,
But this is the spot where my friends Tom&Becky
Tied the Knot

Aliens Invade Tom&Becky's Wedding Reception

2007-07-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

The fire was hypnotizing, or the mass quantities of booze I consumed may have also contributed to my general malaise. Out of the darkness something large came charging at us. It had maneuvered itself behind us & gotten close enough that there was no way for us to have reacted before it came upon us in all it's fury. I heard the bark of a fallen tree give way & heard a moment of silence from the rushing beast, I felt this was it he had launched & would drop on me before I could react. There was a large thump as the body of the intruder fell to the ground. Then silence & more silence. I said to the others with me that I think our attacker has hurt itself. I proceeded to go see what it was & what condition it was in. There on the other side of the log lay an alien man, a drunk alien man, who when asked if he was OK responded by yelling unintelligibly & waving his fingers at us in a menacing way. We figured he was OK & walked back to the camp. One girl wandered further into the woods to take a leak. It turns out 2 other aliens had been hiding in the woods & she came & peed right beside them. They kept quiet because by the time they figured out what she was doing, they felt it would have been inappropriate to jump out of the bushes & scare her. As they watched her walking back to camp they saw the drunk injured alien tackle her & saw that she was extremely displeased with this event. Alien #2 Utah came out in time to get between the 2 knowing that drunk alien did not make the best decision in tackling a lone girl in the woods right after she had just peed. Josh also came out but wandered past to join us in drinking around the fire. They had originally left while many people were around with the intent to wander the forest scaring people with their alien outfits, while on their mission most of the camp went to sleep. Upon return only our small band of drinkers around the fire remained as we had just returned from a night hike to a bridge where a police officer had stopped us to make sure we were not intending a group suicide. The outfits they had on were red duct tape holding the used table cloths from the wedding reception wrapped all around their bodies with ferns stuck in at ridiculous angles & places. They were wearing the round Japanese style lantern cover balls on their heads with pieces torn out for the eyes. Utah having a serious conversation with the girl in the woods trying to calm the situation did not quite strike her as an effective moderator. The girl seemed to become more furious as this alien tried to tell her the other was just drunk & hey it's just a party & no one got hurt, all this coming out of a Japanese lantern ball did not calm the situation. The drunk alien wandered off, that separation worked to calm the girl. Josh had helped with the drunk aliens outfit & had used a whole roll of duct tape on him just for the fun of it. Drunk alien could not get out of his outfit. The aliens decided to disrobe from their spacey uniforms due to the excessive heat & restriction of them. Drunk alien could not get out after about 15 minutes of trying, (this had kept us completely entertained), he had not succeeded in getting any of it off. He asked for help. We started pulling at it but everyone was doing it at once, in different directions & instead of tearing off it stretched & constricted in areas, he pushed us off as we started to choke him with his own space suit. We went back in with a better strategy to all pull in the same direction. This worked even though it took a long time & involved drunk alien being knocked down into the mud & picked up several times during the process. The aliens were freed of their spacey garb & now will blend in perfectly with the normal humans.

Moonshine

2007-07-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

Want a little free moonshine? There is some waiting for you just over there. He was very familiar. I couldn't place him though, I was not falling for the chasing the moonshine gag. I knew that I would run over there looking all around for Moonshine, just to find moonbeams, shining through the trees, lighting up the muddy path & making it look beautiful even though it is mud. A decided she would pursue the shine. I let her go & turned my attention to the Inkwell Rhythm Makers as they picked, plucked, & scratched through some sinner music meant to save the soul but with the unintended consequences of making you want to drink large quantities of Moonshine. Other Jug band players took the stage, I went to see how A was doing chasing after moonbeams. She was standing up against a small table. It looked like a magicians table full of tricks to astound & amaze you. There was a mason jar & 3 small glasses, each of a different make. A song about whiskey drifted over the mud trail from the jug band. The fella, looked up as he poured out a golden smooth liquid that I could taste as it fell from the mason to the used dirty cup. My mouth watered, he looked up & said these magic words & waved his hands over the magicians table, would you like some of my Moonshine? I didn't have to answer, the cup was raised to my hand. I thanked him, put the cup to my lips & slowly without stopping but without shooting the liquid gold, savored the whole glass. Smooth as the bottom of a worn out shoe, smooth as the back of a pretty girls knee, smooth as the edge of a murderers knife. This was the most delicious liquid that has ever draped itself across my tongue. This was a proud man, South Carolinian man, he was sharing his Moonshine with no other intended results but the satisfaction of seeing us enjoy his amazing liquid. He was not selling or marketing, he was not promoting anything else by providing free moonshine, you wouldn't dare do those sort of things with this, the liquor of the god's. This potion can only be shared with the true desire to spread happiness & this true gentleman & his beautiful girl were there to see that happiness imparted to several of us by passers as we walked in the mud and danced to the devil's music.

Goin To The Fair

2007-07-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

I got a ticket lined up just days before the fair. I don't have anywhere to camp & have no parking pass. I am going anyway & will work out the details later. I have lined up someone to loan me a sleeping bag & a tent that is already there. I also have a few cases of beer being purchased for me & held there, I am unsure if I will be able to find any of this when I get there. I'll just go on faith that something will work out & I have slept outside on the ground with no blankets before, so no big deal. If it get's real cold I can always go hang out in the showers for a few hours till it warms up outside.

F#@%&n Hippy Festival

2007-07-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

The Country Fair sucks. No in itself attending the event is quite fun. It sucks the life out of you trying to attend the son of a bitch. Hippy politics, crazy people, capitalists, procrastinators, nepotism, & just plain pain in the asses, all transpire to make it as difficult as possible. 1st you have an invite, then you don't. Then you get the call a ticket is available, then you find out it was given away 2 hours before because you were supposed to have the message a week ago that you just got last night. Then someone wants an extra amount of money than the tickets actually cost. Then if you get a ticket you don't know what you have to do when you get there or where you will be able to stay, or if you will be able to park anywhere close enough to offload your gear. I may have a ticket now but even here I am not getting my hopes up. If I do get a god damned ticket those fuckin' hippies better be ready for some major harassment this year. Last years tricks I played on those hippies will be nothin' compared to what they will get this year just to release all this negativity & spiritual blockage caused from all this hassle the man has brought down on me just trying to get there. Sorry I had to speak hippy there so they could understand.

2007-06-28T22:36:00.001-07:00

Poached Fish? A Spare Rib? Some Pussy In The Garden? & A Neck Penis? Just some memorable moments from the Liberty House Wednesday Bar-B-Que

Wedding Day Blues

2007-06-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

The fact that the wedding happened in the mouth of an active volcano foreshadowed the rest of the day. Granted there was no fiery explosions nor was there any lava, but the fact that it was there, miles underground, waiting to explode, must send up vibrations to infuse all those around with the fiery emissions of the mouth of hell. These hellish infusions sent all exposed, & even some slightly connected over a far distance, into an uncommon anger.

What a beautiful setting for a wedding B... & B... looked so at ease, a far departure from the stress levels of the bride & grooms of other weddings I have attended. B... Did scrunch up once as if fighting back tears, he was all puffed up like an angry turkey or a cold cat. The tux definitely made him capable of this as there is not enough flesh on him to puff up without the tux. The caldera was filled with green grass & thousands of dragonfly's hovering above it as if it were their lawn. Children dressed up like some 1800's Southern high class family, were busy trying to catch the dragonfly's while at the same time trying not to trip over the volumes of clothing they had been inserted into & told not to mess them up.

The trees seemed to reach far higher up to the heaven's here, they begin their growth on the rim of the caldera, us being down in the depression are about 50 feet below their root base. This is the case on mountains as well but you normally have an angled distance to those. These went right up out of the wall of the volcano. It was a different & a beautiful thing.

The wedding was running about an hour behind schedule, the location made it so no one really cared. If not for being here for a wedding, it is a place most of us would probably come to hang out & do exactly what we are doing now, Only we would have on far fewer articles of heavy clothing. Our friend L... seemed to be enjoying herself but I could tell she was suffering from the heat & direct sunlight. L... has dark black skin, I imagine she feels like I would had I wore a black outfit. The sweat pouring off of her was like a constant drizzle of mist, even the handkerchief given to her was not keeping up with the job. L... is extremely well endowed, in that her breasts are enormous. The heat & sweat was playing havoc with the double sided tape she had used to keep her breasts inside the sheer outfit she was wearing. I watched with fascination for much of this down time at her attempts to keep her top on. The whole time I was routing for the sun & sweat.

The rumors abounded as to why the wedding was starting so late. Some were better than others, but none were as good as the 2 reasons that caused the wedding to still be on hold. The typical rumors were the cold feet syndrome, the preacher was late, clothing malfunctions, etc. In actuality 2 things happened. First of all the best man V..., who had come all the way from California for the wedding, had stopped off at an adult store he does business with in his career down in California. He ended up having sex with one of the adult entertainers at the porn store. This is the actual reason he was late. You may think this is a valid reason to be late & may even say you would have done the same thing. What you have to realize is that the porn store & the entertainers there are not, & I do mean Not! attractive, erotic, or sexually exciting at all. This is a place where porn addicts go & where junky prostitutes work. He obviously did not have to pay but you are allowed to turn down gift's in America, unlike some other cultures where the refusal of acceptance would be a great disrespect, here he should have taken advantage of the open culture we have here & simply said no way in hell.

V... finally showed up a little over an hour late, Still no start in sight for the wedding. Apparently the time V... delayed opened up another issue that would not have come up had he been on time. The bride locked herself in the car with the only set of key's. No she did not get cold feet to marry the groom. She read through her vows and decided that these items she was attaching herself to for the rest of her life were not the ones she was willing to commit to. The crowd insured her that they were beautiful vows & would work just fine. She refused to come out. They decided it would be best to remove themselves & allow her time to think it through & they were sure she would decide they were fine. They were wrong, she did finally emerge, with a new set of vows that she had decided she could live with.

The wedding was so short that the delay was actually a necessity to insure no one claimed it was too short. The wedding lasted all of about 10 minutes. Not one person made comment to the lack of substance. All were satisfied that the hour & a half spent in a beautiful piece of God's work, waiting, added just the right amount of sanctity to the union.

We moved over to another area of the forest where the 1st of 2 receptions was happening. The groom had the advantage over most grooms of working in the food industry. All of the food & the cooks & servers were volunteer, or in exchange of a wedding present. This was not only the fanciest wedding spread I have ever attended, but was definitely in the top 2 or 3 food events I have attended. I can't even pronounce most of the items they were serving. They had all the meat groups at once that is rare at weddings, you normally choose one. They had chicken, kalbi beef, seafood, oysters, ceviche, fried duck skins to carry a duck meat something or other that was like a spread & was very tasty. There was prosciutto wrapped scallops, lot's of fresh fruits & salads, grilled vegetables hot off the grill, all kinds of sauces, there was an orange ginger one that I really liked. It was made for an organ meat thing, stuffed kidney I think, they had that I didn't like. I just used the sauce on bread.

S.. was going to the car for some type of illicit activity. V.. went along. While there V.. decided to drink a protein powder drink. He could not insert the protein powder into the water bottle so he pulled out his box cutter & began to cut the top of the plastic bottle off. As he circled the bottle with the razor, he came around right through the vein in his wrist. It immediately shot blood out all over the back of a brand new, rented, vehicle. Add to that the dropped bottle of water mixing with the whole jar of protein powder. The back of the car & the ground outside looked like the scene of a drug deal murder with the powdered drugs & the blood spilled all around. I tied a tourniquet of one of his own socks off his foot around his wound, the flow was stopped & no further medical assistance was needed other than some antibiotic ointment and a real bandage.

A conversation after this event sparked the rest of the insanity that continues for the rest of the day & into the early morning hours of the following day. S.. in shock from all the blood was on the verge of losing her lunch, S.. decided to push her buttons at this time not knowing how hard she was just trying to keep it together, she blew up. The cake cutting ceremony, cakes also fancier than any ever & made for free by friends, was corny but went well, until the bride did something odd. There were 3 men there she thought were cute & all just happen to be wearing black wife beaters under their shirts. I said out loud that there must have been a sale on them at K-Mart. The bride gathered the 3 men together had then strip off their jackets & button up shits to pose in suggestive poses with her, all three of them at once. Now at the bachelor et party this was acceptable behavior, however she is now a married woman by just a few minutes & her new husband hasn't even finished the piece of cake they cut together. This prompted some excitement between the wedding party. We cut out.

There was the second 1/2 of the reception that was to happen at a bar they had reserved the upstairs of for this evening. Between the forest & the second 1/2 our friend S.. got in a physical fight with his girlfriend l.. This with all of us in the car as passengers & with us watching as we come a hairs width from driving up the side of a city bus. He stops as we yell about the bus, freaks out, gets out of the car in the middle of the intersection & leaves. He was the driver. Key's were still there, his girlfriend was hysterical, I hopped in & drove us to another friends house to bring down the level a bit with lot's of vodka. Those friends of mine were invited along to the reception & we headed out with a plan to stop off at a different bar along the way. S.. & J.. got into it when we got lost walking around the neighborhood where both bars were located but could not locate them. J.. walked off & left her, he is from another city, we had no clue how he would expect to get around or get home. I took us all to a bar I knew in the area. We had a good time at this bar & while not paying attention both missing men who had run off during arguments appeared here & everyone was getting along fine now, I figure their issues & directions on in to where were currently were happened on the phone in the restrooms.

We got to the reception area & along with a mass amount of people, at least 40, more than enough to constitute filling the reservation of the top level of the bar. The bar had decided because they had a large amount of other customers to ignore the reservation & open up to the public those areas that were to be reserved. This spurned more fighting with the wedding party, the family, the waitresses, the bartenders, and strangers. My friend L.. got cut off right away, partially because of the level of aggression in dealing with the bar's poor decision making & partially because of the mass Vodka we had consumed at E..'s house earlier. This prompted him to get in a massive fight with his ex. We brought in the leftover wedding cake, placed in on a pool table & proceeded to try to have a reception with some toasts to people who had helped with all of the arrangements & to those who came from far away to honor the union. Unfortunately it was not received well & some who had put the most time & financial efforts into this did not feel they got the gratitude they deserved. More arguments broke out as they grumbled & their significant others tried to bring them down before they opened up in public & embarrassed themselves & everyone else, especially their significant other. Those all came across as couples fighting, I overheard all of the happenings & know that it was a growing undercurrent of mass dissatisfaction. This was clearly the vibrations from the volcano coming to a head.

I had to get out, I got E.. & her husband T.. & talked them into leaving & going over to their house. I figured these were the best people to end up with since they were friends of mine I had dragged along to the bar but were not part of the guest list. On the way out L.. was embroiled in an all out argument with one of her 2 ex's who were there. Her other ex was drunk & insisting on returning to her place where his bike was. She talked me into taking him along as she lived by E.. & T.., I was to take drunk L.. to her house so he could get his bike & leave & then I was going to exit over to E.. & T..'s to finally have some fun without the insanity. When we got drunk L.. to the house for his bike he refuses to leave. Him & I go way back & this was new, I told him don't fuck with me, this is not my house I can't let you stay here & it was a favor to you & the resident to get you here. I told him to wait out front & if the resident wanted to let him stay there when she got home then that was up to her. He refused to leave, I grabbed his bike & threw it out the front door, he attempted to kick me in the nut's so I picked him up & threw him on top of his bike. I locked the door & left with E.. & T..

On the way to E... & T...'s house, E... asked T.. "Why were you looking up at the neighbors window earlier?" Just matter of factly, but with some sinister intent. T... stiffened up immediately, telling me he knew what she was talking about, he know what he did was wrong, & may have even done more than was exposed & will now have to try to lessen the blow. E... went on to say she saw the girl across the street changing in front of the window the other day with the curtains open while T... was outside their apartment smoking. Apparently neighbor girl is putting on shows for E...'s new husband, & E's new husband is not only not looking away but is covering it up. E... began questioning if he had had relations with neighbor girl & if that is why she put's on the striptease for him nightly from across the street? We pulled up to the house at this time, E... not getting an answer of any type from T... got out of the car & shot straight toward neighbor lady's house screaming home wrecker, T... headed her off, she fought like a demon & made it to home wreckers front door, woke her up as it is now about 1:45am, and proceeded to challenge her to all of the real or imagined infidelities between her husband & home wrecker. I walked over to E... & T...'s home, walked in & took an unopened bottle of rum & a 12 pack box of Pabst that only had 4 beers in it, shoved the bottle of rum in the 12 pack box & wandered off while they continued their neighborly discussions..

I am miles away from my car, with no place to stay at 2am in the morning in a city I don't live in & every one of the people I know has been in some sort of altercation & are probably still embroiled. I remembered that TP... had not gone to the wedding, only his girlfriend had attended he had to work. I called him, his girlfriend had beat me there & they were in an argument so I could not come over & frankly did not want to. I proceeded to walk in the direction I thought my car was in & drank my bottle of rum with Pabst chasers.

My car was outside L... house where I had tossed drunk L.. who was gone now, She drove up as I was getting to my car, Even though she had been in arguments with 2 ex boyfriends, none of them were there & I was invited to sleep there & figured all the negative volcanic arguments were over. J..&S.. showed up & needed a place to stay, L... agreed & they came in, went up stairs & proceeded to get into a shouting match about J... pulling the fire alarm at the bar we were all at earlier, apparently things went even farther down hill than when I left. S.. was pissed that they almost got in trouble with the fire department but no one actually saw who did it, I was wondering why they were still there when the fire department pulled up, apparently others who were getting rides with them were outside with the rest of the patrons of the burning building. Only they were fighting about who was going where. "You are coming home tonight" "I am not going back home with you I never want to see you again" etc. So while we were listening to this & watching early morning cartoons, Drunk L.. shows back up & starts pounding on the door. My choices: Go out & pound on him some more, Leave again & sleep in my car, Tell L... to go to bed & ignore Drunk L... I did the last one, she was drunk enough by now to go to bed & Drunk L...'s pounding's did not bother her. I drank rum until I could not hear anything either.

Feeble Bat (Dream #6)

2007-05-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

Do you think this will be done in time for us to get to the beer store before it closes? I don't know are we almost out of beer? Yes, I have tequila but no more beer. Who is going to go? We can't leave before T brings up the ceremonial raft. Look over there T is not even down getting ready yet, this may take longer than we have to get more beer! Others are milling around the rafts covered with trinkets & flowers as if they are getting ready but none will move until T PREPARES.

I need Tequila. Inside this house many others are scattering around the maze of connecting doorways looking for their nook to call their own part of the house. All rooms connect in odd way's through many doors. Most rooms have to be crossed through to get to others. The idea of privacy is out the window. Many doors lead to stairwells some of which shrink out of sight, impossible to pass. I slide open a door & enter a dark room, drafty, dusty, exposed boards, it smells of old paint, this is the perfect room for me.

Over a ledge in the room I find a large green fluffy bat hanging upside down. He completely ignores me as if I were not there. He looks like a Muppet, or better yet a feeble. I watch him for a minute to gauge if my claim to the room will be challenged by him. He was there first. It seems we can live in unison & share the room.

Giggling seeps through the cracks in the wall. I slide open one of the many doors & entrance upon 2 girls embraced. Nice, I like this house, slightly embarrassed but unable to avert my eyes, I back slightly, apologetically. The Asian one says don't worry you can watch if you like & rises to cross the room. She is wearing a pair of army khaki shorts that look to have met up with a lawn mower. How they stayed on I don't know but I was willing to examine them thoroughly until I found the answer. She had the firmest set of bun's I think I have ever seen & walked away from me but with her head turned towards me to watch & insure I was following her with my eyes. It was obvious she wanted to keep my attention, but beyond that I would have to go through the whole game to see what's up.

I Feel Like S#$*

2007-05-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

Warm air today feels so good. I can feel the rays of the sun penetrate my skin & go to work on whatever ill has the chock hold on me. Warm is overpowered by cold in these Northwest lands. The cold seems to be fighting for control of me. It comes to tickle my throat & set me to a fit of coughing. As cold falls back laughing, warm comes to sooth all she can before cold comes to her senses & fights back in to set me to coughing again. Why cold do you hate me today? What did I ever do to you? As others complain about you I've stood behind you. I tell em' the cool air is refreshing & feels good. I like the cool moist breezes. Why, when I need warmth to sooth my shredded lungs & throat won't you back me? Is it some larger war between hot & cold? Is it the "nuthin' personal bud, but...." situation. Couldn't you lay off for just a day or so to let me get better? Maybe I'm talking to the wrong side. Maybe I should be ganging up with warmth to send you packin'. You know we got this thermostat thing, all it takes is a little shift of the dial & warmth will have complete control of this whole area. How'd you like that huh? No, OK then just back off for a little while, I feel like shit.

Quotes-Not-Quotes

2007-04-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

As I look Back
Or perhaps you could
Call it
Puppy Dog Love
As a child
(Last year
Nothing:
Characteristic of one's time
All I have to say about structure
Does it matter which?
Kansas Has this about it.
That music is simple to make
It was a pleasure
And now
This is a pleasure
I remember loving sound
Before I ever
I was talking
For a long time.

Lines taken at random from "Lecture on Nothing" By John Cage.

Cool Quote #1

2007-04-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

As quoted in Richard Dawkins' Eulogy for Douglas Adams

Horror (Dream #5)

2007-04-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

I have challenged her before, I can't believe my greed. I am willing to challenge her again. No one has ever beaten her. No one but me has ever gotten away with their life after taking her on. But no one, not even me has beaten her. I can't pass up the challenge. Others around me are following & are willing to take her on too. They are emboldened by my willingness to try again. I should tell them that I am likely going to die, that the odds are against me & that I am absolutely insane to even try again. I should but I will not. I hope God forgives me & understands that I have not pushed anyone else to do this, in fact I have not even made the suggestion. I am without blame for their stupidity. I however can use the distraction that their bodies will supply as she takes her time & pleasures herself as she loves to do with the tearing & ripping away of the flesh from the soul in a long joyous sigh. I must remain at the back of the pack. I can not allow them to look at me as their leader. They are brave but vain they must want to beat me to the prize & jump in head first to the hell on earth no one believed existed.

Tying my shoe I notice the strands in the string. Browned from the earth I have wandered. I wonder as I view what is perhaps my last vision of life on earth, where I have been & what piece of that past is coming along with me to my doom. Have I the right to bring along even the smallest piece of this life to the hell I am voluntarily entering. That piece of sand. That night on the beach with Beth, as the chill air came in she leaned in close to warm herself on my chest. I could smell her breath, feel the beat of her heart in her fingertips as they tucked into the fold of my arm. What right have I to drag that piece of sand that fond memory into this. If I was a moral man I would enter naked with only my fragile skin to protect me. I need these shoes, I need every edge I can get. I am sorry Beth but I need to throw you to the mouth of hell to get what I am here for.

I breath the air, I can feel life in this air. Pungent, musty, stale, it is still life, decay is life. Through this passage before me there is no life in the air. I remember when I was there as I breathed it was an experience like no other, the complete absence of life even just in the air. The complete absence of feelings other that terror, pain, & horror. The pain was so overwhelming it made me start to giggle, then laugh out loud, I got so high I couldn't see straight. It was a beautiful feeling. Pure unlike life that is a constant mix, convoluted, unsteady & confusing. Is my willingness to return here really based on greed? Could it be that I am looking for that purity I found only here. Could it be that in itself purity is our ultimate achievement even when that purity is pure pain, pure horror, pure fear?

Blood on my shoestring. I brought these same shoes with me the last time I was here. Could it be possible to come out this time with the purity I think I am seeking. Is there anyway to return with it. Is this the reality, I did not escape last time, I was left with this hunger to return, she has addicted me, I need my fix. I have no fear. For even a taste of what I need, a split second before I die it will be worth it. You win honey, I'm coming back.

Political (Sorry)

2007-04-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance. I generally try to stay away from political issues on my blog & use it more for fun or personal items.

In this case though I had to get it off my chest. I watched President Bush visit the Walter Reed Army Medical Center on March 30 2007. It took him over 5 weeks to get around to personally look into one of the most embarrassing mistakes happening under his charge. When you screw up & hurt other people thats one thing like in Iraq. In that case they are removed enough that the majority idiots of the country can look past it as if it were just another show on the television. This however is affecting his own people. This was not a surprise as most seem to think. The Veterans Administration has been making claims that the care for the returning Soldiers has been sub par since just a few months into the war. Unfortunately the Veterans Administration can't really get involved until a soldier is released from the Military. They can attempt political & media pressure but the Soldier is still owned by the Military. One of the claims is that Soldiers needing specialized care that the Veterans Administration is set up to provide, are held up in red tape keeping them under the Military s poor care for extended periods of time. What reason have they got not to discharge someone quickly into the hands of those that can properly care for them as soon as possible. My only thought is if you keep them in the Military you don't let as many of their horrific situations out to the public & the damage to these kid's is not so saturated through the media out to the country.

During President Bush's visit to Walter Reed Army Medical Center he met with many of the recovering Soldiers. As I watched him go from Soldiers missing arms to Soldiers missing legs I put myself in his shoes & asked how would I feel at that moment knowing that I had caused this kid to lose this arm or this leg or for that matter the life of the friends of theirs that were killed in the same tragedy that cost them their limb. I choked up but then looked up & saw President Bush playing with their prosthetics like it was a new toy. He seemed to look satisfied almost proud that he had the power to do this to people. He didn't show any regret or feelings of remorse at all.

He then spoke & stated that the Government would insure that these Soldiers get the treatment their families expect. He didn't say he would insure this or work on this himself, he said the Government. The President, whether it be Bush or any President has to take personal responsibility & personal involvement in a situation like this. President Bush did not. He stated that the care would be up to the level these soldiers families expect. Why not state that the care will be to his extremely high expectations of excellent care for the soldiers. Why put it off on others expectations, does he not have any expectations for the care of our people?

I Hate Poetry

2007-03-31T19:25:00.000-07:00

I am writing this to see if anyone responds with suggestions of Poetry that I might like. I have found quite a few that I enjoy but for the majority of poetry I've seen it is a pure pain in my brain to read.

Adrian Mitchell wrote a Sunday Poem (to the Christians)
Excerpt:

Eat this: God has another place,
A goal-hole. Walls contract and crush
Necks on to legs, bellies into faces
And all parts in a constipated hash
Of cancered madmen, vomiting and skinned,
Skewered in flames which rot, restore and rot,
Breathing only the tear-gas of their sins -
That's what the bad dead get.

Don L. Lee wrote From A Black Perspective

Wallace for president
his momma for vice-president

was scribbled
on the men's room wall
on
over
the toilet

where
it's
supposed to be.

I like these and poems by Kenneth Patchen, many of the Beats & some crazy Japanese poetry. Maybe you have some other suggestions for me.

THE STINK WALL

2007-03-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

Dave

2007-03-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

Dave was one of my best friends & I loved him. My favorite thing about Dave was that nothing was ever just "OK". Every new thing, every new place & especially every new person to Dave is "just the coolest! new thing", "just the coolest! new place", "the coolest! new person.

Dave calls me all the time to say "dude you gotta go to the place!" or "dude you gotta meet this guy!" "Kevin you would totally dig 'em"

Imagine being able to be that absolutely excited about every new place you go, every new thing you find, and especially every new person you meet. That would be pretty cool.

Dave did.

Mexico Day One

2007-02-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

Day one as I remember it, not as it actually happened.

I needed to wake up early to catch a flight out to Mexico. I awoke about 3 hours before my alarm went off. I was up & down the stairs, in & out of my room, to the kitchen, through the living room, I had the excited energy of a kid waking up just after Santa arrived on Christmas morning. I heard other mouses stirring that early as well but was never in the same room as the scurrying sounds until about an hour and a half before our alarms were to blare. It turned out that Snowball & Evilcat were having the same tingle of excitement & were scurrying about as well. We packed our bags with the speed induced in someone who awakes to find they are just 30 minutes away from a leaving flight that takes 25 minutes to get to. We didn't need this speed but it was given gladly in the anticipation of the trip ahead.

We left to the airport with no problems except that the quick route to the airport was shut down for some sort of police activity. Checking bag's was a bit hectic but went smoothly for that sort of thing, I don't think that is supposed to be easy. On the way in we kept trying to decide if food was a priority or if duty free liquor & smokes took the lead. Those of you who know us have already figured out the answer. Those of you who don't know us that well need to spend more time with us. We entered the plane & sat at the gate for about an hour. The grumbling began, let's go take off already, we need the drink cart already. Finally in the air we got to cruising altitude but the drink carts were delayed to turbulence. I normally like the ride when the planes a bumpin, but I was hungry, stinking turbulence. OH YEAH! I just remembered I have 2 health bars in my coat pocket left over from the superbowl party at Anatomist's house. We split those 3 ways, it was like manna from heaven. It did not however quell the growling beasts in our bellies. We started contemplating which drinks will be most filling & have the highest nutritional value, Tequila and orange, Tomato & Vodka, Beer with a Tomato Chaser. We were praying for the drink cart to supply pretzels, peanuts, or some other snack. They did not, Evilcat spied something that looked like food in one of the stewardesses hands & asked for them, they were cookies, the stewardess said that another one would pass them out later after the drinks we demanded to have them now & scarfed them down with moans of pleasure.

Snowball opted for the filling combination of 2 micro beers, Evilcat drank something I cant remember, I will come back & fill in here after consulting with her. I opted for coffee with Kahlua & 2 tomato juices. Coffee for the hunger killing effect. We did another round of these food substitutes & were pleasantly satisfied for what we had. We still dreamed of food, real food, sat back & read to each other & had loud conversations to the dismay of one lame ass sitting a couple seats up & over. Too bad for him, we live life, we don't sit quietly through it to make others happy.

More on the trip later & I'll come back to correct errors later I am currently paying for this in Mexico & failed to ask the cost in advance, I'm in for it.

Until Someone Better Comes Along (Dream #4)

2007-01-24T22:15:00.000-08:00

The tide went out farther than it has in centuries. The last time a tide was this low was during the reign of the Inca’s. I don’t know why the tide went out so far, some ponder that the moon is closing in on the earth & will soon have an intergalactic fender bender resulting in the largest insurance claim ever filed. Some insurance companies are reported to say they will not pay out even though this was not one of the exclusionary items in their policy. They say that the moon hitting the earth will cause worldwide earthquakes & volcanoes. Those along with tidal waves are excluded therefore no insurance claims will be paid.

The tide went down & I was admiring the carved figures in the sand, knowing better than to touch the priceless items. Thieves came down & started scooping handfuls of the carved figures. Some figures were crude, barely recognizable as their intended caricature. Others elaborate & although minute in size would have sent shivers down the spines of those closest to the originator of the figure. Some were flagstone, soapstone & other ornate but worthless stones. Some were the prized stones of alabaster, pink marble, even gold. Some people go too far in their tribute to the dead, but whatever makes them feel good.

I was possessed by the spirit of the protector & descended to the part of the stony, naked for the first time, beach where the collectors were beginning to reap their rewards. I swatted the priceless merch from their hands & blocked their passage towards any more of the treasure. Surprisingly they drew swords. I guess I miscalculated the worth of these treasures; however my possessor made me Aware that the protection of the symbols was worth the sacrifice of my life. So I defended & battled fiercely until the tide began to creep back in. Although some scoundrels absconded with the loot I was able to protect the majority of the tributes in their original place. The dead cheered me & passed praises on me & my family for eternity.

I clamored out of the tide which had an undertow that was beginning to overwhelm me. Some hand came down & helped me out of the cold water. I felt I had done a good deed but somehow felt that it was unimportant compared to the warm touch of live flesh of my friends and family. I decided Even if my creator & the spirits of all the dead called on me that I would remain here to support my friends and family, a much more valiant, immediate, & difficult job than honoring the dead. What worse could come of the dead, they are already dead. But the living, wow, that is a job for persons of true greatness. I don’t meet that calling, but until someone better comes along…….

I Can Cook!

2007-01-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

There are some doubters out there on my culinary abilities. I do have the ability to throw together some hearty home style fare. Granted my eating habits do not generally border on the gourmet. I can get satisfaction from a can of store bought chili eaten cold right out of the can. My palate is indestructible & I can eat & enjoy anything. During the apocalypse I will do just fine eating whatever comes my way, while you finicky people will starve & die. However my post apocalyptic powers of survival do not preclude me from enjoying some good eats.

I do a mean bar-B-Q & make great Bloody Mary's. I delve into Japanese food & come out with Asian styled creations that would rival most of the bland Americanized Japanese restaurants. I pull my Asian style inspiration from authentic Japanese foods. I do a mean stir fry using leftovers & whatever is currently in the fridge. My Mexican food, spaghetti sauce, & chili are the specialties. You better like it hot though because you will be reminded of all 3 of my specialties the next morning in a very spicy way, if you know what I mean. My chili may just burn a hole right through you while you are eating it.

Don't judge my culinary abilities by the food I choose while drinking, although to me those are the perfect grubbing for that particular situation. Just wait until you get the opportunity to get fed the Kevinized way. You will be a happy camper, until the next morning's spicy constitutional that is.

My Dinner

2007-01-18T20:10:00.000-08:00

Tonight at the Liberty Kitchen we served up a traditional Japanese country fare. We began with some crispy deep fried garlic flavored chips made with tapioca flour. These crispy jems pack a punch of garlic. You roll out the tapioca flour with just enough water to make the flour workable. I dampen my hands & roll, then dampen them again until just right. There is no way to overdo it with the water in this fashion. You then cover generously with garlic powder & let them dry completely. Heat enough oil in a wok to cover them by a few centimeters. I mix my oils to gain flavor. I use part olive, part hot chili, part sesame, and some vegetable. You then drop them in with enough space to grow they will plump up reminiscent of pork rinds, but are much lighter, crispier, & in my view, tastier.

Our next menu item was the cold soba noodles, served over ice in a strainer to let the melting ice drip away. These sweet noodles go perfect with a Japanese soba dipping sauce you can pick up in any asian style food store. Garnish with some Japanese style pickled vegetables & a quail egg & you have a perfect light appetizer before them meal.

For our main course we have sukiyaki beef cooked in a broth of ponzu sauce, which is a citrus vinegar, with some hot chili oil added in. Over this sprinkle some Japanese red pepper. Then pound sesame seeds into a fine liquid & add a little more sesame oil to thin it out. This is your dipping sauce for the thinly sliced beef. Heat this slightly in a pan, just to warm then place in a dipping bowl. Serve this with more Japanese pickles, I prefer the pickled eggplant with some ginger & beefsteak plant for flavor.

South of the Border

2007-01-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

I Purchased plane tickets to Mexico for Evil Cat & I today. Will the trip be easy & comfortable? Will we be laying in the sun with Margareta's being carried out to us by beautiful tanned girls in short short skirts? Will the maid's come & clean our rooms of all our dirt & money while we are out riding air conditioned tour buses to destinations where we can shop for trinkets to our hearts delight?

Anyone who has traveled with me knows the answer to all those things is a definite & resounding no. You know I regularly travel without a place to stay set up & frequently sleep in parks, bushes, the occasional dumpster(mostly just those with cardboard, depending on how drunk I am). You know that I frequently disappear off on some adventure only to pop in at just the right time for a free meal & a beer. You know these trips always turn out much more interesting than anticipated because of the disorganized way in which I choose to travel.

Does this mean I will be fully prepared for all that will come at me? Hell no, I tend to obliviously get by in bad situations for some reason. My pure dumb luck somehow gets me out of some of the most perilous situations, even turning them from dangerous to rewarding. These very situations are what make travel exciting, Make me continue in this style of travel, & keep me from shying away from the more adventurous trips in exchange for the more comfortable.

Bullwinkle Head (Dream #3)

2007-01-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

The line into the event was not moving at all. Apparently the venue was at maximum capacity for the Prince Charming concert. Everyone wants to see Prince Charming play live. I hear it is a spectacle of a lifetime, not soon to be forgotten. A limo pulled up, obviously special guests. The chauffeur opened the door & 2 radiant princesses came out. They are going to get in even though the rest of us peasants have to grovel in the line. Wait, they are not letting one of them in. The bouncer is pointing to the sign above the door. "No Bullwinkle Heads Allowed". What prejudice, What gall, she is a princess you know. The bouncer was not budging. Not willing to miss an event of this magnitude the other princess went in. The Bullwinkle headed princess did not.

The limo left with the Bullwinkle headed princess. A few minutes went by & the same limo pulled up. When the chauffeur opened the door this time a beautiful princess with an enormous nose appeared. As she passes I could see the edge of the Bullwinkle horns sticking slightly from the veil. I knew it was the Bullwinkle headed princess. I remained mute, I was rooting for her to get in even though I could not. The bouncer was not unwise & spotted the Bullwinkle headed princess right off. He was not harsh in his rejection but was unmoving in his stance. "No Bullwinkle Heads Allowed".

The limo left with the Bullwinkle headed princess. A few minutes went by & the same limo pulled up. When the chauffeur opened the door this time a beautiful princess with an enormous Humpback appeared. Humpbacks are definitely allowed in, In fact they always get priority seating when they arrive. I was thrilled to see a Humpback, let alone a Humpback princess. This made coming to the show worth it even if I don't get in. The bouncer asked for her ID, when she moved to look down into her purse a pair of Bullwinkle horns popped out of the hump. It was the Bullwinkle headed princess. I like her ambition. I truly believe with her determination that she would eventually get into the Prince Charming show tonight.

The limo left with the Bullwinkle headed princess. A few minutes went by & the same limo pulled up. When the chauffeur opened the door this time a beautiful princess with a long Giraffe Neck poked out. Wow, I have never even seen pictures of the Giraffe Neck's, let alone a princess of the Giraffe Necks. My year is made today, nothing can top this, not even getting into the Prince Charming show. The bouncer welcomed her, bowing & scraping the ground with his hat, even the unmovable rock of a bouncer was in awe that he was in the presence of the Giraffe Neck Princess. As she entered, the sign slung over the door that stated "No Bullwinkle Heads" whacked her in the head. The Bullwinkle horns popped out of her disguise & she was sent away once more.

She did not return to her limo this time. The bouncer had finally beaten her will. She ran crying into the alley with her hands over her Bullwinkle horns, ashamed of that part of her body she could not change. I felt bad for her, I was rooting for her all along. Poor Bullwinkle headed princess.

The next day I read the local trash magazine while I drank my hot cocoa. The magazine, The Kingdom Enquirer, Had a picture of Prince Charming on the front. He was drunk & kissing the Bullwinkle headed princess in the alley. The other princess was in the background glaring with anger at her former friend. Why did she get to kiss Prince Charming? She's a Bullwinkle head. The picture looked like my Bullwinkle headed princess made out well, however the caption more accurately described the doom she was destined to feel. It read "Bullwinkle Head dumped by Prince Charming on first date"

Ah, Rats!

2007-01-10T19:03:00.000-08:00

We saw your gang of rats in the basement a few weeks ago. You were having a great time romping around the basement. What a perfect environment for our rat children to move into. Obviously the noise & partying is a bit much for us. Our rat children are in their college years & need a cheap or free place to nest. We brought them by to see the place & they just loved it. They even found the bags of rats nest you so generously left out & began redecorating right away. We found the rat traps laying around with the free food on them, we appreciate that you did not have them set. Our children did not understand that spent traps are not dangerous & they showed their disdain by defecating on the traps after we were done eating the food. This does not in any way reflect their opinion of your space as a whole. They just love the levels of boxes to play in and the easy pathways beneath the pallets. You have really outdone yourself in the development of your accommodations. We hope that you become fast friends & that our children can join in your ratty celebrations. If our children become a burden to you, don't hesitate to contact us for assistance in a resolution.

Yours Truly,

Mr. & Mrs. James Thurgood Huxley Rat

Good Sunday

2007-01-07T21:35:00.000-08:00

I wasn't expecting any kind of enjoyment or excitement today. Then I completed the story of a trip to Deadwood & the animal encounters along the way. I felt the need for caffeine & sugar, two items I rarely crave let alone actually ever ingest. I ran into Evil Cat at the bottom of the stairs. She said that a friend of hers was in town & they were meeting her and other friends in common at the cupcake Royal. Sugar & Caffeine. I enjoy the company of all those friends in common & the interesting subjects they discuss. The friend from out of town had a great story. She was going to do paint ball wars with some of her friends and her sister. She was shocked at the size of the guns, not being a gun person or having any past experience with guns. She went into the battlefield & basically hid the whole game, only popping up occasionally to shoot & watch her paint explode against the scenery. One time she came up, shot at random & then heard her sister exclaim "I'm hit". She had shot her own sister in the face with a paint ball. She felt horrible, in fact as she was telling the story I could see her slightly well up. She said she went out of the battle field only to find her sister sitting outside crying. She found out her sister had been crying even before she was shot in the face by the paint ball. Obviously battle did not agree with either of the sisters. It was genuinely touching to see the level of compassion & lack of aggressiveness in someone. However that lasted about a whole second before we all agreed that on the paint ball battlefield all people are targets & we would have had to take the shot too.

I reminded myself just how much I hate cupcakes or any type of sweets by eating a portion of one. It was disgusting. I had to toss the uneaten portions right away. I could not stand to look at them laying on the table.

We went to a realm more comfortable to me. Hazlewood's, the bar down the street in Ballard has an elixir much more enticing to me, Bourbon & Beer. Here we discussed our loose associations with organized crime syndicates of our past. It turns out that we are all non-criminals but have had close associations with many in the crime world. The horse racing & show horse industry is apparently fraught with criminal activities. and apparently so is the pesticide industry. One or two in the group had not had any close interactions in the crime world & it shocked them how close some of us had come.

We decided that food was in our immediate future & jumped over to Thaiku in Ballard. Here we all experienced many flavors new to us & not just new but good. We all took samplings of the others & shared ours. Even the drinks here are original with exotic African & Asian ingredients set to stimulate & slightly hallucinate. They limit you to one so you can't really get to those levels of hallucinations some would like to reach.

On the ride home there was debate on whether or not the girl bending over on the Supersuckers shirt Poverty was wearing showed snatch or not. I stayed out of this conversation because though I could not see it was showing snatch, I liked to believe it did. What a good Sunday this turned out to be.

Along the Way

2007-01-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

I turned onto the highway, the final leg of my journey to visit Snowball. My light immediately caught the glowing eyes of something wandering in the road. The eyes darted off the road, then back into the road several times. They couldn't seem to make up their mind. As I drove closer the eyes revealed themselves to be a fox. The fox had found a roadkill & even though my high beams were barring down on him, he could not leave his treasure behind. He was trying to pull along his feast but the tires that had arrived there first had thoroughly glued the snack to the pavement. His eyes never leaving the roadkill, the fox jumped off into the grass.

Three deer were in the road as I approached, I slowed with caution out of habit & it paid off this time. All three could have easily veered into the forest as they ran from my oncoming lights. They panicked & opted to run back out into the road right in front of me. Then instead of continuing across the highway they veered away & ran in front of me for about 40 yards. One of them got a clue, jumped from the middle of the road all the way across a lane, the median & a ditch, landing on the rise beside the road & dropped away from sight. The others followed, though not in as graceful a fashion. One of them barreled through at ground level kicking up dust & grass the whole way. The final deer decided to try the graceful jump the first had done. This did not work out as the deer plowed head first into the ground after tripping, she quickly regained & trotted away deciding not to try the graceful deer thing again.

This animal was unexpected as she ran into the road. What is she? She looks like a weasel, fully 2 times the size of a cat. Her markings were black on top with white on the bottom. She moved like a woman, as her front end went one way, her back end swung wide the other way. She snaked her body across the road quickly & disappeared down the ditch. I wish she would have lingered longer. She was interesting.

A large white owl sat on a fence post & watched as I went by. I wonder what the owl thinks as the lights approach then swing by on the road. Most animals seem to think along the lines of prey or danger. The owl was not far enough off the road not to feel danger. Is Mr. Owl contemplating the taste of those large animals with the bright eyes that keep growling by?

A regular house cat slinks across the road. The cat was low to the ground as she went across the road. Her body language I have seen when scolding pet's in the past. I think she knew she was not supposed to be in the road & now that she was caught by my headlights showed her shame.

Not 10 yards past the cat a field mouse ran like a bullet across the road. I bet that cat would sure like to know about this.

I began to think, outside of the fox that had welcomed me to this highway, the size of the animals was going from large to small. Deer, Weasel, Owl, Cat, Mouse. I started contemplating what could be smaller. Then I thought, how did a house cat get out here in the middle of the woods. Must be a cabin or something out here. I figured the way things work in this life are unexpected. So the next thing fate will send to the spotlight on the highway will probably be something like a bear or a moose or something huge. Right as I was pondering this. I had to slam the brakes as something huge in front of me froze in the headlights. It was a homeless man, pushing his shopping cart across the road. He froze like a deer in the headlight. What the heck is a homeless man doing pushing his shopping cart down the middle of a rural highway in the middle of the forest? I slowed to pass him, he did not move until the lights had passed, then quickly pushed away. I saw he had a large item in his basket. It stood about 7 feet above the edge of the basket. The blue tarp covering it was too small & left a portion exposed. It seemed to be a large black monolith. I'm not going to wonder about this, chalk it up to one of those David Lynchian scenes where there are no true answers, only the underlying feeling of the vast unknown.

Screwed (Dream #2)

2007-01-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

I walked along, eerily reminded of the neighborhood of my childhood. No one talked. I looked over to Maggie & pursed my lips with the beginnings of a word. The look on her face stopped me before I could make a sound. Silence seemed to be the preferred modus operandi. A cute fuzzy duckling wandering in the road caused me to break the silence. I caught it up quickly and exclaimed in a very childlike tone "duckieeeees". I caught up another to pet & play with them. While paying attention only to the ducklings, I had wandered to the side yard of their home. The laundry was out drying in the warmth of the day. Parents of the ducklings lived in their makeshift coop on the side of the house. Maggie & Pete did venture a touch as well as entering a few bars of filtered emotion. Their speech makes me feel like boring opera. I however fully indulged in a childlike frolic with the baby birds. While playing with the fuzzy wuzzies, a pit bull appeared & bit down on my arm with a growl. Maggie spoke, "it figures" was all she said. Though her statement was intended sarcastically, it was right on track with my life so far. I talked to the dog, exhibiting no fear, as this was not the first time I have been menaced by a dog or bitten by a beast. The dog chewed thoughtfully while deciding if I was a danger to his charges. I spent some time explaining that there was no ill intended. Making up his mind that I was of no danger my arm was released. With a second thought, he bit down again, then released as the final decision came. I was not a threat. I thanked the dog. He sat in the dirt and watched as we wandered away down the dirt road.

Snowball in the Fire

2007-01-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

Kickin rocks & watching the dog eat dirt was all that I could have dreamed of doing at this particular time. The satisfaction was incredible & complete. I had no desire of anything else, no hunger, no sense of temperature, no feeling of the need to go anywhere or do anything. This all broke up by an instinctual reaction as Snowball fell into the fire. As I pulled her out before more than a small part of her leg could be burned, I felt the edge of the fire pit give way. I had planted all of my weight & was fully committed. I was going into the fire. How does that dog eat that much dirt? And why? what a weird dog, I like her.

Northern Inexposure

2007-01-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

What an odd day, I have faded in & out of sleep at least 30 times. I keep having these micro dreams that incorporate some of the stuff happening around me in reality. The Young Ones & The Northern Exposure DVD box sets are providing the twisted reality portions of the micro dreams. Evil Cat woke me to feed me macaroni & cheese. I decided it was time to join the bloggers. My dreams will be documented along with a current item and an item from my past. My past issues will not follow reality, rather they will be based on my ever evolving memory of the past. Items stored in my head are along the lines of 10 Van Gogh paintings all being done simultaneously on the same canvas. Interesting? absolutely, factual? not completely.

The Parking Garage (Dream #1)

2007-01-06T21:08:00.000-08:00

The skyscraper was so immense that it was difficult to figure out how to return to the parking garage. I began to worry, the bed of my pickup has valuable items that are easy to walk off with. I chose a flight of stairs, unsure if they would lead me to my truck. As I descended the stairs a large thug who is quickly descending down from the flight above draws my attention. I was startled when an old whore with a kid in her arms stepped out in front of me while my attention was above. She exposes her breast to get my attention, then proceeds to ask "can me and my kid stay with you tonight" and smiles wide exposing gaps where the ivories used to be. Her whole demeanor & speech was proposition for sex in return for a place to stay. I thought about it for a second & then remembered the thug that had drawn my caution earlier. I noticed that the whores eyes ran independent of each other, she blinked at me as her other eye floated on the thug as he squeezed by us in the stairwell. As he passed he turned & waved his hands in the motion that clearly stated: Dude, don't do it! He slid his finger across his throat to indicate the imminent danger I was in. I politely declined the whores proposition at the suggestion of my unconventional savior. The exit neon flickered awakening me to my original quest, my truck. I went out to the parking garage.