Sam (Nicole)

The last thing Sam said to me was "you know I love you, right?" & hugged me hard like she always did. She knew she made me feel uncomfortable when she did this & I alway pulled away. She knew though that I loved her, even though her closeness she put out made me uncomfortable because she was Johnathan's girlfriend. She alway would revel in my shyness or embarrassment & made a point of hugging & kissing me in front of everybody. I think she just liked to torture me. Even though she loved to torture me I know she loved me too. I love many people & love them more than they know because I am not good at expressing it. She knew me though & could see right through me & knew my true feelings. I don't know how & don't even understand why she loved me so much. I even went out of my way to piss her off & succeeded, she was like the family pet though, no matter how much I tried to piss her off & distance her she knew who I was & how I felt & kept working to break me down. There has only been 2 people in my life that could tell exactly who I was & how I felt without question, Maggie & my mom. Sam is the 3rd & I realized this only the night before the last night I saw her. I can say without question that no matter what I have been loved by at least 3 people in my life, these three loved me unconditionally & I still do not understand any of them. My mom, it seems obvious that she would have to but with what I put her through my whole life, if I was in her place I would have strung me up & killed me. Maggie I still do not understand why she loves me but it probably has something to do with the same way I feel about her, I have no idea why I love her but I do unconditionally & forever. Sam the same thing & now that she is gone I don't even understand how I can imagine life without her. She was not just a part of my life, or Seattle. She was an energy in the world.