Private Property No Trespassing

"Here is the ridge we should be following!"
"But that goes in the wrong direction"
"Listen to me I have been out in the woods hundreds of times & never get lost, in fact I have never been lost in my life."
"I just don't feel like going in the wrong direction will get us there"
"Listen to me, this ridge may twist & turn it's way back to town, but it will get us there.
"I'm going this way!"
"Alright we'll go your way, we got food & water & sleeping bag's, what's it matter if we stay out her a few more days?"

"Hey! What's that?"
"What?"
"That up in the tree?"
"it's a......."
"It's a Volkswagen bug"

"Okay... What is a Volkswagen bug doing way up in that spruce?"
"I don't know but look over there on that hill"
"What?"
"In that tree, look up near the top"
"it's a......................"
"It's a god damned washing machine, thats what it is"

This discovery of stuff in the trees continued for hours this evening on the rim of the Grand Canyon. We found more large machinery like stoves, washers, dryers, washing machines, some from every era as well. There were washing machines with the hand cranked wringers on them. We found more small cars, a horse carriage, one tree laden over to bending down with silverware hand tied one at a time to the tree, tens of thousands of individual pieces of flatware. Dishes, Tools, One tree had over 30 ladders hanging from it. All of these items had been placed in the trees over decades, you could tell by the ones where parts of the trunk had grown around. Some were as clean as if they were erected yesterday.

Hours of amazed exploration later we found that we had wandered without direction viewing this wooded wonderland of dead modernity. Now we were not lost but knew we could not strike out until the moon or the sun rose, the blank cloudy sky afforded us no direction. We decided to find a clearing with no trees for things like buses, trains & aeroplanes to drop out of on our heads while we slept.

We found a clearing but it was already occupied by a barracks style army tent. A very large one. This could hold at least 80-100 soldiers & their gear. There was a glow from the middle section of the tent. Not wanting to surprise the tenant we called out from a distance. The camo clad figure came out of the tent looking like something out of apocalypse now. He waved us in, as we got close we noticed the shotgun & he saw us hesitate. "This n's for the damned rodents, don't you worry"

He invited us in to stay over in the barracks, exclaiming "plenty of room". As my eyes adjusted to the light, he wasn't kidding. There was nothing in the tent but one dresser, one army cot, a generator powering one bare 60 watt & a full size 1950's refrigerator, out of which he extracted 3 Budweiser long necks that he proceeded to open with his machete that was hanging on his side. I was grateful for the beer but was wondering why he kept all his stuff in the trees but nothing in his tent? I was hesitant but had to ask. "What's with all the stuff in the trees?"
"Them damned rodents keep getting in here I have to keep stuff up so as not to create nesting places, They is still getting in here regular no matter what I do"
"How far does the trees with stuff hanging in them go?"
"My daddy left me these 300 acres & the national park's been trying to get em from me every since. I can't leave or someone from the government is sure to slide in & stake claim to it"

His eyes went wild, he motioned for us to be quiet, I went to take a sip of beer he grabbed my arm not wanting even a swig of beer to give away our position to whatever it was he heard. I then heard it, under the fridge, a rustling. Out popped the head of the largest rodent I have ever seen, he was not kidding. He Screamed as he charged the refrigerator, blasting holes in the refrigerator & about 20 feet of tent all around. The rodent was not hit & tore off through a hole in the tent just opened by a shotgun blast. The rodent was gone but the screaming & shooting did not stop. He ran off thorough the other section of the barracks blasting holes left & right while screaming like a madman. We grabbed our packs and some more of his beers through the holes in the fridge & let out like bad out of hell.

"Follow me!"
"Are you sure that's the right way?"
"Shut the fuck up & follow me!"
"We were headed that way"
"I told you earlier that is the wrong way, we're going back to the ridge that will take us home."

That Crazy Bitch Saved My Life

The crowd of about 13 men hangin out on the opposite corner looked up to me in unison like a pack of predators would when prey accidentally stumbled into their den. This is exactly what had happened. I stumbled into the drug dealers street corner at about 3am in the morning. This was downtown Oakland Ca. & I had my backpack that I was living out of as I hitchhiked through California. This was too tempting for the crowd of thugs to pass up. Stupid white boy, alone, with stuff to steal on our turf. Without speaking to each other the pack moved. They even went so far as to shift their bodies in a way that seemed to try to give the impression they were not coming towards me even though I could clearly see them coming. They even shifted their eyes & seemed to point out things to each other that were in the opposite direction. The whole while they were as a pack closing the gap of open blacktop between us. Don't think I was stupid enough to be standing still during the time frame of the above description, I had no misunderstanding of the situation form the 1st second I rounded the corner & had made appropriate moves to keep my distance without doing anything that would cause the situation to break out into a full scale pursuit. I knew I had to keep a slight ruse up that I was not fleeing in terror or they would smell the fear & charge. I did not know the neighborhood & did not know the speed of my opponents. In a situation like this you play the chess game for the next move. Your adrenalin is pumping far too fast to think 2 or 3 moves ahead. I was staying alive a few extra moments for every move I made but did not have an overall exit strategy for the situation.

Oh shit, I thought as I approached a recessed doorway in a brownstone. Thats where that Crazy Bitch jumped out at me as I came by earlier & scared the livin shit out of me. That shopping basket lady with the wail of an evil spirit. She could set this whole thing off & fuck up my tenuous situation causing me to have to run like hell for my life, knowing full well I was at the disadvantage in that situation. I tried to clear out around her doorway enough so as not to alert her to my presence. She bolted out of nowhere into the street screaming like a fuckin banshee "Get away!" "Get Away!" over & over dancing in circles & waving her arms. The effect of this did exactly what I though it would. The pack of predators broke into a full run at me. I panicked & did exactly what I should not have done. what a dumbshit! I ducked into the Crazy Bitches doorway. She freaked on my intrusion into her lair & somehow got even louder & crazier, I did not think this was possible. Now I started thinking she may be more of a danger to me than the pack now just about 10 yards away. She turned her attention quickly to the pack & jumped from the top stair about 5 steps, right into the pack as they came running up. Screaming & swinging & scaring the shit out of them & me. She fuckin drove them off! What the hell? I watched as they ran & heard them arguing with each other. "I ain't going in there with that Crazy Bitch" "You fuckin go in there man!" these arguments were not going to convince any one of them to come in here, I could tell by the distance & the fading of the voices, they were not sticking around to convince each other to give it another try.

She stood panting in the street with her hands & arms held up like a preacher praying to god, until they were far off. Her eyes never coming up off the street. She turned & never looked at me as she sat next to her basket & ignored me for the rest of the night as I contorted my body back into the crevice of the bricks to get as far away from this whole night as possible. I stared at the back of her head that night, listening to the growls, moans, & unintelligible speech that fell from her. As the sun peaked up & some blue came to the sky. Some business people started coming by. My heart jumped right out my throat as she launched from the top step out into the street at the 1st suit & tie that walked by, screaming & thrashing about. He walked by as if she was not even there, sipping off his coffee as he went by. Apparently the regulars were used to her & unafraid. I took the opportunity of the space between the stoop & the street to bolt & get the hell out of Oakland. I left behind an unopened bottle of water. I did not have much to leave but hopefully that showed my thanks to that Crazy Bitch that saved my life.

Explainer of new series of odd people

This is a short explainer of this new series of people I have met that I felt were odd. I know that many of you who know me understand that many of the people I know are slightly off. This is why I am writing on people that have affected me as odd, not what general society would feel is odd. There is going to be no time line or order of any type as to when I met them. As the memories come to me I will write of them. I will not try to remember when I met them or In what one of the various parts of my life I met them. The names will be changed most of the time, except in cases where there is no way to connect them by name to my story. I am writing of these people as I remember them. Granted as a story is told over & over for years the yarn grows thick. So don't try to associate these stories with complete real life if you happen to have known one of the oddities that I write of. I am writing what is in my head about them now. You must realize that what I have of them in my head now pays far more tribute to them than the actual story may have the 1st time it was experienced or told. The fact that they remain with me is a testament to the love of their individuality & the odd way in which they have affected me.