Unconventional Wisdom of Corneilius

Unconventional Wisdom of Corneilius

I haven't posted in awhile but I told Evil Cat a story from my past and she said I should put it down here, I am going to do a quick version that I can edit later so apologies for the poor writing style.

Warm sun on my bald spot, swatting at fly's in the heat, Well actually fending off homeless people asking for spare change, people trying to sell me the spare change newspaper and people trying to deal me drugs. What you need big guy?, Whats happening big guy? can I hook you up with something big guy? I think the only reason I did not become a raging junkie is that I hate when people call me big guy in that condescending tone. I am a big guy and I have no problem with the fat jokes and comments, but the snide, I'm your friend but only know you buy your girth ploy does not get on my good big side.

The big guy that I frequently watched was at it again, He was a "give me a dollar" dude I wouldn't call him a spanger because he never asked for spare change, he said with force and a fat tongue, Give me a dollar! and always got it.

He was an imposing man that would corner people into tight spots where they had an exit but in order to exit they had to go into his personal space and the uncomfortable arms length reach of this huge man, so no one cornered refused him his dollar. I watched this many months and never felt that anyone getting the dollar treatment really deserved me stepping in to help them, they paid their dollar, he moved his bulking mass out of the way and the transaction was done.

One day while I was sitting on the cement steps outside my apartment I saw the give me a dollar man get involved where I could not sit by and allow it to continue.

The large man cornered a young girl for his typical give me a dollar spiel, however the girl was too young to know what was happening, she broke down crying, not knowing all it took was a flash of a 1 dollar bill to get out of this. The girl could not figure out how to get past the large man. She stood with a look of terror as he came closer and closer.

I walked over and positioned myself so that the girl could have an escape she was comfortable with, she slid past me and out and I never saw her again. I turned on him, yelling at him like I was a parent scolding a child. The big guy dropped straight down on his butt to the sidewalk, sat cross legged and sobbed. He cried so hard he drooled and snot ran out his nose. This is not the response I was expecting, a punch in the nose was a good outcome I was looking for, and was expecting far worse than that. Now I wasn't sure if I wouldn't have actually preferred the punch in the nose, this was uncomfortable and made me feel pretty bad for the big guy.

He looked up at me and said sobbing "I'm Sorry, I don't mean to scare them, no one gives me money unless I do that. If I had a sign I wouldn't have to do that. I can't read or write so I can't have a sign." He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked back at me. "Will you help me make a sign?" What could I say? We went to find the materials. In the alley I found a good sturdy cardboard that was waxed so it wouldn't dissolve in the rain. I then went into my apartment and grabbed a sharpie to write with. We sat on my stoop and I asked him what he wanted it to say. He thought long on this and slowly said "spare a dollar? can't read or write, please help. God bless you"

As I wrote this in block letter he leaned way in as if it was amazing to him watching a letter be born on a page, or in this case a piece of box. He watched as I started to color in the letters and commented, "yeah, yeah, that looks good" even though he had no clue what I was writing. He was getting excited like a kid about to be handed a birthday present, he was standing with his arms outstretched waiting for the sign for several minutes before I was even done. When I finally gave it to him he never even looked up at me, he just repeated "Thank you, Thank you" over and over while staring at his sign with a big smile on his face. I patted him on the back in a way that directs someone away and off he went with his new sign.

I lived on the Ave. in the U-District for a few more years, during this time I saw the big guy almost every day sitting or standing with his sign, I never saw him be forceful or intimidating with anyone again. He moved downtown for some reason and I started seeing him regularly outside Nordstrom's or the Rack, still with his sign.

I stopped seeing the big guy, I hope something good happened to him, but unfortunately in the world of the homeless it is not generally the case. I started seeing his sign in the hands of many other homeless people, there was a whole community downtown sharing his sign, I saw it in the cement park in the hands of a crazy lady, on a street corner in the hands of a man begging for change from cars, leaned up against an empty wheelchair with a can to collect coins sat in front of it, and then one day I saw it setting propped between 2 newspaper dispensers. I looked at it and thought about what must have happened to the big guy, I felt sad, that was the last time I saw our sign.

Roadtrip

Another reminder why I am never moving back to Phoenix started off my road trip. The 1st 2 days in Arizona were to be camping with my parents. That got canceled due to the fact that my Grandparents had a home invasion. They had 4 men with gun's bust into their home and hold them at gunpoint while they went through the house taking only an envelope of money my grandparents had just withdrawn from the bank. The police believe a bank employee tipped them off. It was an inside job. My grandparents were not hurt, in fact my Grandmother commented on how nice they were as they went about their illicit activity. A new security system and more secure door & window cages are being installed.

I visited with my Grandparents the whole 1st day, they showed me around the camper they are giving me. We sat and talked all day & then we all met up with my parents for dinner. After dinner I visited my favorite {dancing} establishment in Phoenix, the candy store. Where 3 young lovely ladies danced with{for} me.

The next morning I went to visit Jim but couldn't come over right away as there was a bobcat laying on his front porch, no one could leave or enter until the bobcat decided to leave. After the bobcat wandered off and sat in a neighbors tree, I came in. Jim showed me around his home, this is a new one since I was here last. We headed outside, he handed me a golf club? For the snakes, he said. His pool was amazing with skulls inlaid in the waterfall and a cement table in the shallow end to swim around and have drinks. We retired to his home bar and drank Water and discussed politics. They live in a very Republican neighborhood. They may be the only normal people in that town. Jim does construction and has done many of the homes and businesses in that area. That is the reason he moved out there. He has been written up in the paper as a person who hires illegal aliens, he has a crew of Mexicans that have worked for him for many years. They are Mexican nationals with the right to work in the U.S. However the paper obviously looked into this accusation as the unidentified neighbor who submitted the story responded, I know because they have Mexico license plates. I don't think any ILLEGAL would drive around in a vehicle marked Mexico. Oh and now he is apparently a drop spot for human traffickers from Mexico because there is always Mexicans hanging out in his side yard. His crew meets at his home to go out to construction jobs and guess what it is the same 3 Mexicans every time, Oh yeah that's right to the Republican party all Mexicans look alike.

I am running out of time, I will write on the actual roadtrip later, Bye.

Stir crazy & left home alone

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me but you won't let those robots eat me. I,m snowed in, stuck alone in the wilderness. I've been left home alone over the holidays. There is a wild black beast roaming the halls, incessantly stalking me & sending chills up & down my spine with his evil calls. I know he want's to eat me, I can tell by the look in his eyes. She's gotta be strong to fight them so she's taking lot's of vitamins.

Your always such a spectacle. I scoured the cupboards for what little food I could find. It's is enough to keep me through another day, I don't want to envision what will happen at breakfast tomorrow.I have been reduced to eating baked pork chops, dredged in spiced flour & cooked with pork sausage & a little red wine. Oh the inhumanity. She was selling speedboats in a trade show when it mattered. I had to fry my Zucchini, FRY it OMG! I only have fresh sour creme to dip the fried zucchini in, how will I ever survive. Not even her wrenches or secret powers could save him. My pickle meddle consisted only of.... I almost can't bear to say, only Cornichons, Asparagus, Matiz Vasco Pipparas, & Dolmas, That is it, I..I.. Don't know what to say. The apples sauce to dip my pork chops in was so sparse, it had none of the modernizations food should have, no Sugar, High Fructos Corn Syrup, Preservative, nothing. It was just plain 100% organic apples Wat Tha? #$%^. Oh and that's not all, I had to wash all this down with, get this a blended Spanish red wine, blended!

they mixed the Grenache with the Syrah who would do this? With a head like a vulture and a heart full of hornets he drives off the cliff.

I had to eat by candlelight. Well I thought you were shallow but then I fell in deep.The evil beast has lunged at me and has pinned me to the chair.

Come shape this tunnel vision, all shined up & locked on trouble. This may be the last you hear from me. Goodbye all those wh..... Oh Ho Ho A La De Da De Dah O'O'O' Ho HoeO'E'O' ooohhh Buh Buh Bah Buh.

My Christmas Vacation

I decided to put on a happy face, it scared the hell out of a teenage girl at the airport. After my flight was canceled, I walked to what I thought was the end of the line of people waiting to reschedule flights. I was informed by a joyous older couple that this was only 1/4th of the line, the end of the line is clear down there, I couldn't see it. They informed me they had been waiting for 4 hours in the line but were both smiling & talking to everyone around them. They were not bitter or in tears like 99% of the rest of the people in the airport.

That is when I decided it ain't so bad, there are lot's of beautiful women in the airport to look at & many funny arguments & people freaking out as tensions run high. I will enjoy these things rather than be a part of them. I found out quick that in a crowd of angry & sad people that most people appreciate someone who is taking it good, I think I reset many people to normalcy. That is up until I walked past a teenage girl, who looked at me being happy & got a look on her face like she had just seen Satan himself & tried to scrunch herself further into a brick wall she was leaning against. Note to self teenagers are afraid of happiness.

I had traveled to the airport this morning in a beautiful winter wonderland in Seattle. It was calm & quiet unlike anything I had heard in the city, I could hear every train whistle & every boat horn from miles away, there was one bird chirping & icicles crunched as they dropped through the snow. It took me 3 hours to get to the airport what usually takes 1, I probably would have wandered through the snow checking it all out anyway. There were buses stuck in snow drifts & on hills, some had spun out, my driver was cool and just whipped past them & only stopped where he knew he could get going again even though some people got mad at him for missing their stop. I got dropped off at Pike Place Market and wandered around for awhile, I had left early enough to allow myself some time for enjoyment of the trip.

If your flight has been canceled, please leave the airport. Do not stay here you will not be rescheduled today, Said the loud speaker. I noticed a wave of police & security guards come running out to specified points of the airport after they made this announcement. I guess they knew what was about to happen, people freaked, it was hilarious. I saw the happy old couple shrug and go I guess were spending Christmas in Seattle & head off.

I saw them again outside waiting for the bus, we talked for awhile, I really like them. Two buses arrived, there were enough people waiting to fill 3, the old couple were getting knocked around as people turned to a mob trying to be on these buses. I knew the old lady had been freezing, I decided she needed to be on this bus, I blocked out a clearing for them to allow them on the bus, they thanked me, I stepped back & let everyone else I had just blocked on the bus, I figured it would not be good for me to be in the same bus as them as they were all very angry with me now. I waited for the next bus which took an hour & then had 3 buses worth of people trying to get on one, A huge black man was intimidating people to move up in the crowd, when he got to me I turned to him and said "I am getting on this bus", I must have said it convincingly, he threw up his palms & said OK man, we both made it on.

I ate my apple as a group of women screamed into their cell phones in Arabic & Spanish. The snow was building up on my head. My mom had called as I got back into Seattle, she has finagled me another flight out at 3pm so I hopped off the bus, crossed the street & waited for another 45 minutes for the same bus to go back, I could have just stayed on it. I got back to the airport & checked right in, cool!, NOT! after checking in I found the curbside bag check had closed & they sent me to the end of the bag check line. This line went on for infinity, I never knew infinity has a corner in it but this one did after infinity it turned the corner only to go on for infinity part deux.

Pajamas, used to be my preferred attire for airplane travel. Sexual attraction has taught me a lesson why they are not always the best idea. The large group of Japanese girls, all of them beautiful, played keep away with one of the girls passport. I watched as they grabbed at each other, giggled, bumped, pushed, wrestled. At one point the passport girl caught the girl holding her passport, the keep away girl secreted it away to another but the passport girl did not see that. She proceeded to push the other against the wall just like a cop would when catching a suspect. She did a full pat down search of the girl she had held against the wall as the whole group laughed uncontrollably. Their line moved & they all went with it, I turned & came face to face with the evil old Iranian lady that had been bitching the whole time about this line. I saw a look of disgust on her face as she grabbed her bags & moved back in the line 3 spaces. I looked down to my PJ's & saw what had sent her running. At least my wood helped a few people move up in line.

We can all take a shower together, said the loudmouthed Mexican girl to me and the hot blond. My final flight was canceled as were all the flights from Seatac airport. Everyone in the airport left at the same time. Getting a bus was impossible so I asked the hot blond if she would like to share a cab, the loudmouth Mexican girl who was also hot jumped in and said she would like to share it with us as well, split 3 ways that would only be $20 each for the cab. Once in the city the snow was so bad that we could go no farther than my house, we were all freezing & needed to warm up quick. The bus showed up that I could get on & my fantasy dissolved. I am now still trying to keep a positive outlook on the day but am starting to recede into my fantasy's.

Man with tools coming on, get out of the way. It was snowing hard & I was cold & tired looking forward to a long long walk from downtown Seattle to Ballard carrying luggage. A bus came by & I waved him down, he stopped even though it was not a bus stop. The driver said there is no room but if I could squeeze in the back door I could get on and this is the last bus leaving downtown. Another man had walked up to the bus as I was talking to the driver, he beat me to the back door, there was no room. He was carrying snow shovels & started yelling "man with tools coming on, get out of the way" & made enough room for the 2 of us.

I love the Greeks. I was still a mile or so away from home & knew I had to walk this last part through deep snow & hills. I walked into the Greek restaurant in Fremont they said they would be staying open for awhile, I immediately ordered some hot soup. Some friends live nearby here & I called to have them come down for dinner. It was very relaxing but all my muscles stiffened up, I realized that other than the bus ride to the airport this morning that this was the 1st time I had sat down, even my other bus rides had all been standing room only. I left at 6:55am in the morning, it was now something like 6pm.

The girl stroked at my beard as her jealous boyfriend & his friends looked on. I dragged my luggage, it may have actually made it harder but I didn't care. I was wet, cold, sore & tired. I felt miserable & figured I should look miserable to fit how I felt. A group of 4 girls & 3 guy's were walking towards me, I started to limp. I don't know why I started to limp, I didn't need to. I guess it just made me look more like I felt. They were having a snowball fight, one of the girls missed her target & hit me. She was very apologetic. You poor guy, I'm sorry she brushed the cold snow from my beard & then scratched my beard as if I were a dog or a cat she was petting. Her male friends were not pleased, they went on. As they went away I realized I was still wearing the PJ's.

Made it

I made it home just now, I left this morning at 6:50am. Here it is 8:03pm. I'm going to take a hot shower to shake the snow out of my brains & then I'll tell ya'll about it.