Feeble Bat (Dream #6)

Do you think this will be done in time for us to get to the beer store before it closes? I don't know are we almost out of beer? Yes, I have tequila but no more beer. Who is going to go? We can't leave before T brings up the ceremonial raft. Look over there T is not even down getting ready yet, this may take longer than we have to get more beer! Others are milling around the rafts covered with trinkets & flowers as if they are getting ready but none will move until T PREPARES.

I need Tequila. Inside this house many others are scattering around the maze of connecting doorways looking for their nook to call their own part of the house. All rooms connect in odd way's through many doors. Most rooms have to be crossed through to get to others. The idea of privacy is out the window. Many doors lead to stairwells some of which shrink out of sight, impossible to pass. I slide open a door & enter a dark room, drafty, dusty, exposed boards, it smells of old paint, this is the perfect room for me.

Over a ledge in the room I find a large green fluffy bat hanging upside down. He completely ignores me as if I were not there. He looks like a Muppet, or better yet a feeble. I watch him for a minute to gauge if my claim to the room will be challenged by him. He was there first. It seems we can live in unison & share the room.

Giggling seeps through the cracks in the wall. I slide open one of the many doors & entrance upon 2 girls embraced. Nice, I like this house, slightly embarrassed but unable to avert my eyes, I back slightly, apologetically. The Asian one says don't worry you can watch if you like & rises to cross the room. She is wearing a pair of army khaki shorts that look to have met up with a lawn mower. How they stayed on I don't know but I was willing to examine them thoroughly until I found the answer. She had the firmest set of bun's I think I have ever seen & walked away from me but with her head turned towards me to watch & insure I was following her with my eyes. It was obvious she wanted to keep my attention, but beyond that I would have to go through the whole game to see what's up.

I Feel Like S#$*

Warm air today feels so good. I can feel the rays of the sun penetrate my skin & go to work on whatever ill has the chock hold on me. Warm is overpowered by cold in these Northwest lands. The cold seems to be fighting for control of me. It comes to tickle my throat & set me to a fit of coughing. As cold falls back laughing, warm comes to sooth all she can before cold comes to her senses & fights back in to set me to coughing again. Why cold do you hate me today? What did I ever do to you? As others complain about you I've stood behind you. I tell em' the cool air is refreshing & feels good. I like the cool moist breezes. Why, when I need warmth to sooth my shredded lungs & throat won't you back me? Is it some larger war between hot & cold? Is it the "nuthin' personal bud, but...." situation. Couldn't you lay off for just a day or so to let me get better? Maybe I'm talking to the wrong side. Maybe I should be ganging up with warmth to send you packin'. You know we got this thermostat thing, all it takes is a little shift of the dial & warmth will have complete control of this whole area. How'd you like that huh? No, OK then just back off for a little while, I feel like shit.

Quotes-Not-Quotes

As I look Back
Or perhaps you could
Call it
Puppy Dog Love
As a child
(Last year
Nothing:
Characteristic of one's time
All I have to say about structure
Does it matter which?
Kansas Has this about it.
That music is simple to make
It was a pleasure
And now
This is a pleasure
I remember loving sound
Before I ever
I was talking
For a long time.

Lines taken at random from "Lecture on Nothing" By John Cage.

Cool Quote #1

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

As quoted in Richard Dawkins' Eulogy for Douglas Adams

Horror (Dream #5)

I have challenged her before, I can't believe my greed. I am willing to challenge her again. No one has ever beaten her. No one but me has ever gotten away with their life after taking her on. But no one, not even me has beaten her. I can't pass up the challenge. Others around me are following & are willing to take her on too. They are emboldened by my willingness to try again. I should tell them that I am likely going to die, that the odds are against me & that I am absolutely insane to even try again. I should but I will not. I hope God forgives me & understands that I have not pushed anyone else to do this, in fact I have not even made the suggestion. I am without blame for their stupidity. I however can use the distraction that their bodies will supply as she takes her time & pleasures herself as she loves to do with the tearing & ripping away of the flesh from the soul in a long joyous sigh. I must remain at the back of the pack. I can not allow them to look at me as their leader. They are brave but vain they must want to beat me to the prize & jump in head first to the hell on earth no one believed existed.

Tying my shoe I notice the strands in the string. Browned from the earth I have wandered. I wonder as I view what is perhaps my last vision of life on earth, where I have been & what piece of that past is coming along with me to my doom. Have I the right to bring along even the smallest piece of this life to the hell I am voluntarily entering. That piece of sand. That night on the beach with Beth, as the chill air came in she leaned in close to warm herself on my chest. I could smell her breath, feel the beat of her heart in her fingertips as they tucked into the fold of my arm. What right have I to drag that piece of sand that fond memory into this. If I was a moral man I would enter naked with only my fragile skin to protect me. I need these shoes, I need every edge I can get. I am sorry Beth but I need to throw you to the mouth of hell to get what I am here for.

I breath the air, I can feel life in this air. Pungent, musty, stale, it is still life, decay is life. Through this passage before me there is no life in the air. I remember when I was there as I breathed it was an experience like no other, the complete absence of life even just in the air. The complete absence of feelings other that terror, pain, & horror. The pain was so overwhelming it made me start to giggle, then laugh out loud, I got so high I couldn't see straight. It was a beautiful feeling. Pure unlike life that is a constant mix, convoluted, unsteady & confusing. Is my willingness to return here really based on greed? Could it be that I am looking for that purity I found only here. Could it be that in itself purity is our ultimate achievement even when that purity is pure pain, pure horror, pure fear?

Blood on my shoestring. I brought these same shoes with me the last time I was here. Could it be possible to come out this time with the purity I think I am seeking. Is there anyway to return with it. Is this the reality, I did not escape last time, I was left with this hunger to return, she has addicted me, I need my fix. I have no fear. For even a taste of what I need, a split second before I die it will be worth it. You win honey, I'm coming back.

Political (Sorry)

I apologize in advance. I generally try to stay away from political issues on my blog & use it more for fun or personal items.

In this case though I had to get it off my chest. I watched President Bush visit the Walter Reed Army Medical Center on March 30 2007. It took him over 5 weeks to get around to personally look into one of the most embarrassing mistakes happening under his charge. When you screw up & hurt other people thats one thing like in Iraq. In that case they are removed enough that the majority idiots of the country can look past it as if it were just another show on the television. This however is affecting his own people. This was not a surprise as most seem to think. The Veterans Administration has been making claims that the care for the returning Soldiers has been sub par since just a few months into the war. Unfortunately the Veterans Administration can't really get involved until a soldier is released from the Military. They can attempt political & media pressure but the Soldier is still owned by the Military. One of the claims is that Soldiers needing specialized care that the Veterans Administration is set up to provide, are held up in red tape keeping them under the Military s poor care for extended periods of time. What reason have they got not to discharge someone quickly into the hands of those that can properly care for them as soon as possible. My only thought is if you keep them in the Military you don't let as many of their horrific situations out to the public & the damage to these kid's is not so saturated through the media out to the country.

During President Bush's visit to Walter Reed Army Medical Center he met with many of the recovering Soldiers. As I watched him go from Soldiers missing arms to Soldiers missing legs I put myself in his shoes & asked how would I feel at that moment knowing that I had caused this kid to lose this arm or this leg or for that matter the life of the friends of theirs that were killed in the same tragedy that cost them their limb. I choked up but then looked up & saw President Bush playing with their prosthetics like it was a new toy. He seemed to look satisfied almost proud that he had the power to do this to people. He didn't show any regret or feelings of remorse at all.

He then spoke & stated that the Government would insure that these Soldiers get the treatment their families expect. He didn't say he would insure this or work on this himself, he said the Government. The President, whether it be Bush or any President has to take personal responsibility & personal involvement in a situation like this. President Bush did not. He stated that the care would be up to the level these soldiers families expect. Why not state that the care will be to his extremely high expectations of excellent care for the soldiers. Why put it off on others expectations, does he not have any expectations for the care of our people?

I Hate Poetry

I am writing this to see if anyone responds with suggestions of Poetry that I might like. I have found quite a few that I enjoy but for the majority of poetry I've seen it is a pure pain in my brain to read.

Adrian Mitchell wrote a Sunday Poem (to the Christians)
Excerpt:

Eat this: God has another place,
A goal-hole. Walls contract and crush
Necks on to legs, bellies into faces
And all parts in a constipated hash
Of cancered madmen, vomiting and skinned,
Skewered in flames which rot, restore and rot,
Breathing only the tear-gas of their sins -
That's what the bad dead get.

Don L. Lee wrote From A Black Perspective

Wallace for president
his momma for vice-president

was scribbled
on the men's room wall
on
over
the toilet

where
it's
supposed to be.


I like these and poems by Kenneth Patchen, many of the Beats & some crazy Japanese poetry. Maybe you have some other suggestions for me.